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Do You Have a Highly Emotional Child?
Having a highly emotional child can be daunting sometimes. Especially if you have to deal with your own emotions daily, it can be difficult to know how to help your child regulate their emotions. (Read: How to Reduce Stress as a Stay-at-Home Mom.)
It is important to remember that children do not come with a manual on handling emotions. Sometimes, children feel these big emotions and don’t understand how to cope. Our job as their parents is to help them learn how to self-soothe and react in ways that are not overly emotional to situations.
One great way we can do this is to model our emotional self-regulation. I have noticed that when I become overly emotional in reacting to my child’s emotional outbursts, things become so much worse. It does not help my child to have my own meltdown when they are in the middle of a meltdown. There are better ways to help our children learn how to cope and self-soothe when they become overly emotional. The first step is to stay calm if you can; if you can’t, having someone to team up with helps tremendously.
It’s tempting to dip into reactive parenting when your child is over-emotional.
I have been a reactive parent before. If you do not know what reactive parenting is, it is reacting to your child’s emotions and the situation you are in in an emotionally charged way. If you look at it, you can see how your reactive parent thinks it affects your child’s emotions and can control them.
If you react to your child’s misbehavior and situations out of emotions, they will also learn to react to situations with their emotions. I have found a better way, and that is parenting from peace. Will you always be able to be a peaceful parent? No. However, you can take steps to help you become a more peaceful parent, and if you want some ideas, I have some great ones here.
Five Effective Ways to Help a Highly Emotional Child Regulate
Give a Tight Hug and Count to 20
I have a child who is overly emotional sometimes. Who am I kidding? All my children can be overly emotional. So can I. My oldest daughter can become overly emotional when she’s overly stimulated or feels like she is not in control of something. She does not have emotional meltdowns often, but when she does, it can be difficult to help her calm down enough to self-soothe.
One day, we were at my mom’s house, and my oldest daughter had difficulty letting go of control with her cousins. They were not playing the games like she wanted them to. It would’ve been easy for my mom, and I had to say get over it; it was pretty tempting. However, my mom took aside. My mom had heard something about how, most of the time, people need human contact for up to 20 seconds to help them calm down. So she took Miss B to the back room and said we will hug each other for 20 seconds And count out loud. Do you know what happened? My daughter calmed down.
If your child has difficulty handling their emotions, try hugging them for 20 seconds or more and counting out loud. They may need physical contact from you to help them regulate their emotions.
Put on a Song and Get Moving
Dancing can be a fun distraction. Does your child have a favorite song they can’t get enough of? Try putting the song on and having a dance party in the kitchen. You don’t have to tell your child you will have a dance party. Start singing and dancing like a goofball; they will want to join in! Once they join, they may forget about what they were being overly emotional about or be able to look at it differently.
Play Classical Music
One day during school, my oldest daughter and I learned that classical music helps people regulate emotions. If your child, or even you, are feeling emotional, try playing classical music and listening to it for 10 to 20 minutes. You may be surprised at its effect on your emotions and mood. If you don’t like classical music, try playing something soothing. My go-to is always Christian worship music in the mornings or if my children or I are cranky.
Validate Your Child’s Emotions
Sometimes, all a person needs to have their feelings and emotions validated. Your child is no different. They need to know that you understand why they are feeling a certain way and that you can help them cope with these feelings and emotions. So don’t be afraid to get on the level and talk to them about why they’re feeling a certain way. You don’t have to agree with why they’re feeling that way.
You may even think it might be a little silly, but to them, their emotions are not silly, and when you validate, you help your child learn how to self-soothe and talk to somebody about their emotions and feelings. Then, they learn that it is never silly for them to feel how they do. They can always come to mommy or daddy to talk to them about their feelings and emotions.
Ask If They Want a Do-Over
Sometimes, we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I have woken up cranky before, and I know you have to. Children are no different in this aspect, either. They are human, and they will have days where they feel more emotional and cranky than other days. Sometimes, all you have to do is ask your child if they would like to start over. Not receive a punishment for their misbehavior emotions, but try to turn the day around with you.
Ask your child to take a couple of minute break, and if they’re ready to start over, let’s start over.
It’s expected to be emotional sometimes. Learning how to self-regulate our emotions comes with maturity.
It’s unfair to expect children to be mature and control their emotions at all times, especially when we sometimes have trouble controlling our emotions. It is our job as parents to help our children, guide them, and teach them how to self-soothe. With these ideas, it’s possible to help your child calm down when feeling emotional. (Read: Dear Internet, I am Not a Perfect Mom.)
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