Have you ever exploded all over your child out of frustration? Your child may be having a temper tantrum. They throw themselves around on the floor. You might not know what to do. Maybe it seems like no matter what you do to help your child with a temper tantrum, it’s not working. When we react to our child’s behavior based on emotion, that is reactive parenting.
I am not going to lie to you. I have been a reactive parent. It is difficult to set aside our own emotions when our child is melting down or not acting the way we believe they should. Frustration can mount, leading to irritation and annoyance, and then we become emotional and allow that to guide how we react to our child’s misbehavior.
The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck as a reactive parent. You can make the decision every day to wake up and be a more peaceful parent and practice peaceful parenting rather than reacting to your child’s misbehavior in every situation with your own emotions.
Why Do We Sink into Reactive Parenting?
It is easy to sink into reactive parenting. Allowing our emotions to control us can be something many people do in every area of their lives. Only allow emotions to control us instead of us controlling our emotions. It can lead to situations that can be avoided, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.
Why is Peaceful Parenting a Better Option?
Peaceful parenting is better than reactive parenting because it says I’m going to put aside my own emotions while you are melting down, get on your level, and help you work through what is going on instead of adding fuel to the fire with my own uncontrolled emotional outburst.
Every mom will react out of emotion sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be the norm for your family.
Now you will not be a calm and peaceful mom all the time. It’s just not possible. I wish I could be, and I’m sure you wish you could be you, but the truth is you are only human. I am only human. But there are things we can do to help us parent in peace the majority of the time. Reacting out of your emotions when your child is having a difficult time does not have to be the norm for your family. When we take the time to start practicing peaceful parenting then it becomes easier to connect with our children and connect with their heart.
Six Habits to Stop Being a Reactive Parent
Take Care of Self-Care
Self-care is an important part of life. We start by teaching our children how to take care of themselves, so why do we think as moms we need to sacrifice our own self-care in order to be a good mother? It’s not true; it’s a lie that society likes to tell us. You do not have to sacrifice your self-care in order to be a good mother in fact you are a good mother when you prioritize taking care of yourself.
When you take care of self-care and prioritize it as a mother or a father, then you are showing your children that taking care of yourself is important. You are also taking the time to make sure you feel your very best to give your children your very best when they need you the most.
Practice Counting to 10 (or 50)
If your child is having a difficult time and you are finding that you’re having a hard time dealing with your emotions, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your child is to leave the room If it’s safe to do so. Count to 10 or even 50 if you need to and get a breather. Doing so will help you calm yourself down so you can better manage your child’s emotions with them.
Set Aside Your Emotions and Figure Out Your Triggers
It’s hard for humans to set aside our emotions. We like to react to situations based on emotions and how we feel about something. But when it comes to parents and our children, we cannot allow our emotions to control us. If you find that you are reacting to your child’s behavior based on your own emotions, it’s important to figure out what your triggers are that cause you to be emotional towards your child.
When you do this, it becomes easier to approach the situation in a calm way rather than an emotional way.
Pay Attention to Your Child’s Triggers and Needs
Not only should you pay attention to your own needs and triggers. It’s important to also pay attention to your child’s triggers and needs. Children cannot handle emotions like adults can. And it’s not fair to ask them to.
It’s our job to teach them how to recognize emotions and how to handle them as they grow. But as a mom, you can pay careful attention to what your child’s triggers are and what their needs are.
For example, if you have a toddler who needs a nap around noon every day, then it is not fair to them to plan something during their nap time that they have to do and then expect them to be on their best behavior. That is what I mean by paying attention to the triggers and their needs.
Get on Your Child’s Level and Talk to Them How They Understand
Growing up, I was always taught that children are just little people. And that you can talk to them like they have their own thoughts and opinions about things, because they do. It is possible to get down on your child’s level when they’re having a meltdown or when they’re having a difficult time and talk to them about it in a way they can understand.
Sometimes all your child needs is a hug from you and to know that they are OK.
Connection with your child happens in those moments where they’re struggling, when they are having a difficult time, and when you pick them up, you hold them and tell them it’s OK, it’s gonna be all right. Do not be afraid to get on your child’s level and talk to them about what they’re struggling with in that moment. Focus on connection and then correction.
Set Clear Boundaries and Practice Consistency
Consistent parenting is important for many reasons. Your children need to know what to expect from you, whether you’re tired or not. So, setting boundaries for your children plays an important part in their lives. When they know that a certain behavior is not acceptable, they’re less likely to try to push those boundaries. So be consistent with your boundaries and how you parent your children.
Do You Want to Learn More About Becoming a Peaceful Parent?
Becoming a peaceful parent is a process. It does not happen overnight; it will happen over time. But there are certain habits and steps you can take to help you become a more peaceful parent and stop being a reactive parent.
I offer some great ideas in my post: 14 Ways to Say Goodbye to Angry Mommy.
