Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, shall we?
No one wants to admit to losing their cool and being an “angry mommy” every once in a while. But it happens more than we like to acknowledge as parents.
Sometimes angry mom comes out without us inviting her.
Full disclaimer: The losing your cool that I am talking about is becoming frustrated, being snappy with your family, etc. (I am not talking about violence or getting physical in any way.) Now that I have said that, let’s talk.
Maybe you had a difficult day at work, come home, and your children will NOT stop fighting, or they refuse to be obedient and do what you asked them to do.
You thought your temper (or angry mommy, as I like to call her) was under control.
But no, out she comes, she will say things in a frustrated tone. “Why can’t you ever listen? Stop fighting now! No yelling in this house!” (Usually said as you are yelling.)
Frustrated or angry mommy happens to most of us.
Typically, we are overworked, stressed, and have too much on our plates as moms.
Here’s the problem with angry mommy.
When we give angry mommy the reins, we allow our emotions to control us.
Emotions are great. They are given to us by God. But these emotions we feel so often need to be controlled, not control us.
When we allow our emotions to control us, we will not teach our children how to develop healthy control over their emotions.
Teaching our children how to control their emotions and not allow their emotions to control them is vital in raising children.
Often, moms give in to misconceptions and lies about angry mommy.
You start to believe you are a bad mom if you struggle with frustration.
Or if you lose your cool, you are terrible. You can never get better or get angry mommy under control.
These are lies.
Why Does Frustration Happen?
I said this earlier; typically, frustration happens when you are overworked, stressed out, or have too much on your plate.
Other times, frustration as a mom can come out when you say yes to too many commitments.
It’s crucial to learn how to say no or not right now.
Lastly, sometimes expectations for yourself, your children, and your family are too high.
Lowering expectations for everyone can help ease the anger.
14 Best Tips to Keep Angry Mommy in Check
Let’s discuss what we can do to keep angry mommy at bay.
Tip 1: Self-Care
Self-care is more important than moms realize. You know the analogy; put your air mask on first, right? This applies to more than just airplanes.
When you take care of yourself, you are better at caring for those around you.
Self-care ideas:
• Get enough sleep: Most moms need 8-10 hours per night.
• Eat healthily: This includes choosing balanced meals and snacks throughout the day.
• Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects.
• Take breaks: If you feel overwhelmed, take a break. Step away from what you are doing, even if it’s just for a few minutes, and relax.
Tip 2: Set Clear Rules and Boundaries for Your Kids
Keep your rules and boundaries for your children clear, simple, and black and white.
If your child disobeys, then your child loses their privilege. (Or whatever you set in place as a consequence.)
Maybe you are like me; perhaps you hate disciplining your children. But it’s all in the follow-through.
Your child will only take you seriously if you follow your rules and boundaries.
If you told your child they would lose their tablet the next day if they disobeyed you, but then gave your child the tablet anyway, all you did was shoot yourself in the foot.
You may as well hand your child the keys to your car and house right now because, momma, you just made them the authority in your home.
I hate being harsh, but you must follow through, regardless of how you feel.
If you don’t?
Your child just learned they can walk on mommy or daddy because they don’t follow through with the rules they set; these rules mean nothing.
Tip 3: Keep Emotion Out of It
When your child throws a fit, getting annoyed and frustrated is easy. If they would only do what they need to do, right? But when the rubber meets the road, you must keep your emotions in check.
Emotion has no business in the discipline. This is why I said to keep it black and white.
As parents, we over complicate this step. Follow-through should always be there, regardless of whether we are tired or distracted. Keep it black and white and keep emotion out of it.
If you feel frustrated and feel like you may lose your cool, take a time out.
Walk away from the situation, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
This will help clear your head and allow you to approach the situation more level-headedly.
Tip 4: Remove Yourself if You Become Emotional
If you start to feel emotional, remove yourself. It’s okay to separate from your child who is throwing a fit.
In fact, it’s a good idea so you don’t start throwing your own fit. Instead, count to ten or go to a separate bedroom and pray.
It’s okay.
Tip 5: Pay Attention to Your Child’s Cues (hungry, tired, etc.)
Do you know your child’s inner cues?
Do you know what their limit is on sleep? Are you setting healthy sleep habits for your child?
Pay attention to their cues. Sometimes, a fit is just because they are hungry, tired, or overstimulated.
Tip 6: Don’t Over-Schedule Your Child
When you fill your child’s schedule with a ton of activity, it may seem like they are getting a ton of exposure and education.
But really, over-scheduling is just a recipe for disaster. Children need downtime, just like you and me. So please give it to them while they are still little.
Tip 7: Give Brain Breaks to Yourself and Your Children
Children can;t work for several hours on something if they are growing frustrated with the task at hand.
Neither can you.
In the same way, you need a break at work. Your child needs a break too.
If your child is working on schoolwork (or anything else) but starts to feel frustrated, don’t join in on their frustration. Instead, give them a brain break.
Tip 8: Get Plenty of Rest
You are not a superwoman. Give yourself and your body plenty of sleep and downtime.
If you don’t, you will only become more frustrated and angry.
Tip 9: Do Something Just For You
What is something you love to do?
Do you want to focus on your health?
Write a book?
Read more?
Whatever it may be, pick something that is just YOURS. Fit this activity into your regular schedule; it helps to have something to look forward to that is just for you.
Tip 10: Engage With Your Children
Talk to your children.
Figure out what they love and what they don’t love.
Have conversations with them every day.
Connecting with your child may help you see past their flaws and mistakes. (after all, you are flawed too.)
Tip 11: Put Away Distractions
Put that phone away!
I cannot tell you how often I have realized I could’ve spent more time engaging with my children if my nose hadn’t been stuck in my phone.
When we are distracted, we are only half in.
Half in the conversation, the game, activity, life.
Whatever is distracting you, place it to the side.
It’s not more important than the health of your family.
When distracted, it’s easy to become frustrated when your child seems clingy, needy, or just begging for your attention. But, in reality, it’s not their fault; it’s yours.
Tip 12: Set Realistic Expectations For Yourself and Your Children
Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, our families, and our children.
Example: If you have a small child who still naps, it’s unfair of you to schedule something important in the middle of nap time.
They won’t be able to make it without being cranky, which means a meltdown and frustration on your part.
Set more realistic expectations for your family and yourself.
Tip 13: Remember Your Child is Human Too
Your child is a human being just like you.
Like you, they have real feelings, emotions, questions, and ideas. Just because they are small doesn’t negate any of that.
Listen to your child, and treat them precisely for who they are, a human.
Tip 14: Teach Your Children How to Clean Up and Help Around the House
If your child is old enough, start teaching them how to clean up around the house. This will take some stress off you and teach your child a work ethic. Win-win!
The Last Thing You Need to Know About Taking Control of Angry Mommy
You may feel like a bad mom if you lose your cool and become frustrated sometimes. But the truth is, it happens to almost every mom.
No one is perfect; we are born with emotions. Every person has a bad day. The problem comes when we allow our emotions to control our lives and, in turn, our relationship with our kids.
Our children can not be collateral damage while we figure out our emotions. So the best thing you can do for your children is to take care of yourself.
