They always say you are a perfect parent until you have kids. Then you figure out real quick that honestly you have no idea what you are doing the majority of the time. It is all a process and just when you think you have got this parenting gig figured out, something new pops up! We can choose to wake up each day and be the best parents we can be. This includes taking actionable and intentional steps towards growth. No one is perfect, but we can always make goals to be better than we were. This includes as a parent. A few years ago, I graduated with my Master’s in Positive Psychology, and I was intrigued, can I use these tools and techniques to become a more positive mom? (Read: What is a Default Parent?)
The short answer is yes. In this post, I will explore what a positive parent is, how it’s connected to positive psychology and techniques that will lead you toward becoming a more positive parent.
Table of Contents
What is Positive Parenting?
Being a positive parent means quite a few things. However, at its core, positive parenting is focusing on your relationship with your child, building a strong connection, and focusing on strengths. We can do this by showing empathy kindness and love during correction. Positive parenting takes a step back from negative reinforcements and chooses to focus more on positive ones.
Being a positive parent doesn’t mean you aren’t human or that there are instances where you need to step in and be stern. It means more often than not you choose to focus on strengths and positives with your child.
Are Positive Parenting and Positive Psychology Connected?
Yes, positive psychology and positive parenting can be connected. Positive psychology is a subcategory of psychology. Where traditional psychology focuses on what may be ‘wrong” with a person’s life and how to bring them up towards ‘normal,” positive psychology takes what we would call an average life and makes it ‘extraordinary.’
This means you can take the techniques that are found in positive psychology and apply them to any area of your life, including parenting.
Positive Psychology Techniques to Use in Parenting
There are several techniques that you can use in positive parenting that transfer over from positive psychology. I will go into more depth on these in my post here. But in a nutshell, here are several techniques that can help propel you towards focusing on positivity in your parenting journey.
- Gratitude Journal
- Gratitude visit
- Create a gratitude jar with your child
- Gratitude rocks
- Gratitude prompts
- Mental subtraction
- Nature walk
- Thankful paper chain
- Gratitude tree
- Highs and lows
- 3 things
How to Become a More Positive Mom
Sometimes we get stuck in this infinity loop that keeps circling. We want to get off of it, we long to stop being a reactive parent and become more joyful and positive, but something is keeping us back.
Take a look at these 11 tips to help you become a more positive parent. Choose one or two that you feel confident enough to work on. Implement them into your life for two to three weeks. Really be as consistent and intentional as you can. Soon you will see that these techniques are becoming easier and second nature. Then begin adding in more. Before you know it, you will change your mindset.
Focus on Strengths (Not Weaknesses)
One way to become a more positive parent is to focus on strengths not weaknesses. This is a key component in positive psychology. As humans, we tend to focus on everything that is wrong or negative. However, all this does is keep us down. Instead, choosing to focus on strengths within ourselves and our children can help reshape our minds.
When we focus on strengths, it also gives our strengths room to grow. For example, say your child is a whiz in math but they are struggling in reading. Don’t ignore their efforts in reading but don’t make that your sole focus. Instead, really focus on their math skills, and encourage them to keep growing in this area. Their confidence in their skills will increase and you may see their confidence in their reading skills increase as well.
Don’t Overfill Your Plate
We become so burned out as moms and dads when we put too much on our plates. This in turn can lead to negativity. Don’t be afraid to say no to commitments you just can’t make right now.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude takes our minds off of ourselves and what we don’t have and puts it on all our blessings. Teaching our kids while they are young how to be grateful and express gratitude is an important skill that they will need as they grow.
Implement Mindfulness
Mindfulness can be hard to put into practice. We live in such a fast-paced world where we love to mindlessly indulge in things that don’t really matter. (screens for example.) It is becoming increasingly more difficult to practice intentional mindfulness.
But when we take a moment and step back, choose to be present, and in the moment, then we may notice that positivity is coming even easier.
Take Care of Self-Care
Self-care is so important, especially for parents, if we ignore it, then it becomes easier to have a negative attitude. Taking time to care for yourself teaches your children to do the same.
Don’t Neglect Your Health
Neglecting our own health will leave us treading water. It’s hard to efficiently take care of our children when we aren’t feeling the best we can. Being healthy for your children is own of the greatest gifts you can give them.
Make Sure You Are Getting Enough Sleep
Taking care of our health includes getting enough sleep. I get wanting to have alone time at night, especially if you are a parent to young children. But sometimes that can leave you feeling depleted.
According to the Mayo Clinic, adults need at least seven hours of sleep a night.
Find Activities You Enjoy Doing with Your Kids
Finding enjoyment as a parent is possible. One of the most fun and easiest ways to do it is to find activities you love to do and do them with your kids. Do you like to hike? Teach your kids to love it too. Do you enjoy arts and crafts? Bring out the glitter!
Have you always wanted to run a 5k? Get your kids running with you. Having a hobby that you enjoy, especially with your kids, can bring back some of that excitement during the mundane days of parenting.
Get Your Children Involved in Housework
I read something the other day that said sometimes mom is doing too much because their children are doing too little. If a child can work a cell phone, they can work a washing machine. I thought way, that’s so true.
Get your children involved in housework so it can take some of the load off of you. Doing so teaches your children valuable skills they will need as an adult. It also teaches them how to see a need and meet it before having to be asked.
Practice Contentment
Being content can be a big game changer for the mind. It’s not always easy in today’s society. A society that is always telling us that we need more and more and more. But if we can practice contentment, and being satisfied with what we have in life now, then we can change our mindset.
That’s the battle when working towards becoming a positive parent.
Don’t Fall for the Comparision Trap
Often, we start to feel discontent with our lives and families when we begin to compare. Don’t fall for the comparison trap. You may not have the fanciest car or biggest house, but what have you been blessed with in life?
Social media is a big culprit. It can lead people to feel like they aren’t nearly good enough as a parent. But it’s important to remember, that most people never post their worst days.
One Last Note
If you are feeling stuck in a cycle of being a reactive and negative parent, it is possible to get out. Begin by choosing one or two of these tips and implementing them into your life for a few weeks. Then slowly add in other tips. Working on your mindset is the best place to begin when becoming a more positive parent. Next, read my article about why gratitude is an important part of positive psychology.