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Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? We need to learn how to say goodbye to angry mommy.
No one wants to admit to losing their cool every once in a while. But it happens more than we like to acknowledge as parents.
Sometimes, an angry mom comes out without us inviting her.
Full disclaimer: I am talking about losing your cool when you become frustrated, snappy with your family, etc. (I am not talking about violence or getting physical in any way.) Now that I have said that let’s talk.
Maybe you had a difficult day at work, and when you come home, your children will NOT stop fighting, or they refuse to obey and do what you ask.
You thought your temper (or angry mommy, as I like to call her) was under control.
But no, out she comes. She will say things frustratedly: “Why can’t you ever listen? Stop fighting now! No yelling in this house!” (This is usually said as you are yelling.)
Frustrated or angry mommy happens to most of us.
Typically, we are overworked, stressed, and have too much on our plate as moms.
(Read: 12 Ways to Become a Peaceful Mom Today.)
Here’s The Problem with Angry Mommy
When we give angry mommy the reigns, we allow our emotions to control us.
Emotions are great. They are given to us by God. But these emotions we feel so often need to be controlled, not control us.
When we allow our emotions to control us, we will not teach our children how to develop healthy control over emotions.
Teaching our children how to control their emotions and not allow their emotions to control them is vital in raising children.
Often, moms give in to misconceptions and lies about angry mommy.
You start to believe you are a bad mom if you struggle with the frustration.
Or if you lose your cool, you are terrible. You can never get better or get angry, but Mommy is under control.
These are lies.
Why Does Frustration Happen?
I said this earlier: typically, frustration occurs when one is overworked, stressed out, or has too much on one’s plate.
Other times, frustration as a mom can come out when you say yes to too many commitments.
It’s crucial to learn how to say no or not right now.
Lastly, sometimes expectations for yourself, your children, and your family are too high.
Lowering expectations for everyone can help ease the anger.
14 Best Tips to Keep Angry Mommy in Check
Let’s discuss what we can do to keep angry mommy at bay.
Tip 1: Self Care
Self-care is more important than moms realize. You know the analogy: put your air mask on first, right? This applies to more than just airplanes.
When you care for yourself, you better care for those around you.
Self-care ideas:
- Get enough sleep: Most moms need 8-10 hours per night.
- Eat healthily: This includes choosing balanced meals and snacks throughout the day.
- Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects.
- Take breaks: If you feel overwhelmed, take a break. Step away from what you are doing, even if it’s just for a few minutes, and relax.
Tip 2: Set Clear Rules and Boundaries for Your Kids
Keep your rules and boundaries for your children clear, simple, and black and white.
If your child disobeys, then your child loses their privilege. (Or whatever you set in place as a consequence.)
Maybe you are like me; perhaps you hate disciplining your children. But it’s all in the follow-through.
Your child will only take you seriously if you follow your rules and boundaries.
If you told your child they would lose their tablet the next day if they disobeyed you but then gave your child the tablet anyway, all you did was shoot yourself in the foot.
You may as well hand your child the keys to your car and house right now because, momma, you just made them the authority in your home.
I hate being harsh, but you must follow through, regardless of your feelings.
If you don’t?
Your child just learned they can walk on mommy or daddy because they don’t follow the rules they set; these rules mean nothing.
Do You Want to Become a More Mindful Mom? Check Out the Mindfulness Journal!
Tip 3: Keep Emotion Out of It
When your child throws a fit, getting annoyed and frustrated is easy. If they would only do what they need to do, right? But, when the rubber meets the road, you must keep your emotions in check.
Emotion has no business in the discipline. This is why I said to keep it black and white.
As parents, we overcomplicate this step. Follow-through should always be, regardless of whether we are tired or distracted. Keep it black and white and keep emotion out of it.
If you feel frustrated and feel like you may lose your cool, take a time out.
Walk away from the situation, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
This will help clear your head and allow you to approach the situation more level-headedly.
Tip 4: Remove Yourself if You Become Emotional
If you start to feel emotional, remove yourself. It’s okay to separate from your child who is throwing a fit.
It’s a good idea so you don’t start throwing your fit. Instead, count to ten or go to a separate bedroom and pray.
It’s okay.
Tip 5: Pay Attention to Your Child’s cues (hungry, tired, etc.)
Do you know your child’s inner cues?
Do you know what their sleep limit is? Are you setting healthy sleep habits for your child?
Pay attention to their cues. Sometimes, a fit is just because the person is hungry, tired, or overstimulated.
Tip 6: Don’t Over-Schedule Your Child
When you fill your child’s schedule with activity, it may seem that they are getting a lot of exposure and education.
But really, over-scheduling is just a recipe for disaster. Children need downtime, just like you and me. So please give it to them while they are still little.
Tip 7: Give Brain Breaks to Yourself and Your Children
Children can only work for several hours on something if they grow frustrated.
Neither can you.
In the same way, you need a break at work. Your child needs a break, too.
If your child is working on school work (or anything else, but starts to feel frustrated, don’t join in on their frustration. Instead, give them a brain break.
Tip 8: Get Plenty of Rest
You are not a superwoman. Give yourself and your body plenty of sleep and downtime.
If you don’t, you will only become more frustrated and angry.
Tip 9: Do Something Just For You
What is something you love to do?
Do you want to focus on your health?
Write a book?
Read more?
Whatever it may be, pick something that is just YOURS. Fit this activity into your regular schedule; it helps to have something to look forward to that is just for you.
Tip 10: Engage With Your Children
Talk to your children.
Figure out what they love and what they don’t love.
Have conversations with them every day.
Connecting with your child may help you see past their flaws and mistakes. (After all, you are flawed, too.)
Tip 11: Put Away Distractions
Put that phone away!
I cannot tell you how often I have realized I could’ve spent more time engaging with my children if my nose hadn’t been stuck in my phone.
When we are distracted, we are only half in.
Half in the conversation, the game, activity, life.
Whatever is distracting you, place it to the side.
It’s not more important than the health of your family.
When distracted, it’s easy to become frustrated when your child seems clingy, needy, or begging attention. But, in reality, it’s not their fault; it’s yours.
Tip 12: Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself and your Children
Sometimes, we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, our families, and our children.
Example: If you have a small child who still naps, it’s unfair of you to schedule something important in the middle of nap time.
They won’t be able to make it without being cranky, which means you’ll have a meltdown and be frustrated.
Set more realistic expectations for your family and yourself.
Tip 13: Remember Your Child is Human Too
Your child is a human being just like you.
Like you, they have real feelings, emotions, questions, and ideas. Just because they are small doesn’t negate any of that.
Listen to your child, and treat them precisely for who they are, a human.
Tip 14: Teach Your Children How to Clean Up and Help Around the House
If your child is old enough, start teaching them how to clean up around the house. This will take some stress off you and teach your child a work ethic. Win-win!
The Last Thing You Need to Know About Taking Control of Angry Mommy
You may feel like a bad mom if you lose your cool and become frustrated sometimes. But the truth is, it happens to almost every mom.
No one is perfect; we are born with emotions. Every person has a bad day. The problem comes when we allow our emotions to control our lives and, in turn, our relationship with our kids.
Our children can not be collateral damage while we figure out our emotions. So the best thing you can do for your children is to take care of yourself.
Ten More Ways to Become a More Peaceful Mom Today
Being a calm mom can be a realistic goal! Here are ten more simple ways to make it happen today:
1. Give yourself time to “chill out” every day.
2. Talk to your partner or a friend about how you feel.
3. Get plenty of sleep and exercise.
4. Take a break from electronics, especially around your kids.
5. Let go of perfectionism- it’s impossible to be perfect!
6. Spend time each day doing something you love that is just for you- without kids!
7. Connect with your kids- ask them questions, discover their interests, etc.
8. Give yourself and your child breaks, including mental breaks, when needed!
9. Avoid distractions when possible and be present with your family.
10. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your children.
If you can implement some of these things, you will be on your way to a more frustration-free life! Your family will appreciate it, and so will you!
Why is it important to say goodbye to frustration and anger as a mom?
Frustration and anger can be harmful to both you and your children.
They can lead to yelling or just bad vibes all around.
Finding healthy ways to deal with emotions is necessary so everyone in the family can be happy and stress-free.
How do your children benefit when you take the time to say goodbye to frustrated mommy?
When you take the time to deal with your emotions healthily, your children will benefit in many ways.
They will see that you are taking care of yourself and respecting yourself enough to do so. This is a valuable lesson for them to learn.
They will also be more relaxed and happy around you because they know you are in an excellent emotional and mental place. When Mommy is happy, the whole family is usually happy!
What are some ways to care for your mental health as a mom?
As a mom, there are many ways to care for your mental health.
One way is to ensure that you are getting enough sleep and exercise.
Another is to take breaks from electronics, especially when you’re around your kids.
It’s also vital to find time for yourself every day to do something you love- without kids!
Connect with your kids and give them your undivided attention when possible.
Avoid distractions when possible and be present with your family.
Last but not least, set realistic expectations for yourself and your children.
If you can implement some of these things, you will be on your way to a more frustration-free life! (Read: How to Reduce Stress as a Stay-at-Home Mom)
What to do now:
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