Lessons on Life: What Being a Wife Has Taught Me

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This month is my son’s birthday month. He would be 13 years old this year if he was still on earth with us. I was looking back at my old blog, No More Afflictions (it’s still up today) that I started back in 2013, right after our second child was born, our rainbow baby Miss B. It was interesting to see how far I have come as a blogger, but I started that blog for healing, before I even knew blogging was a way to make an extra income. I enjoyed reading through the raw emotion and realness of these posts. Are they perfect? No. Do they have the right headlines, are they optimized for SEO, or do they reach a target audience? No. They are posts that I wrote only for me. Since I haven’t been on that blog in probably ten years, I decided to transfer those words, those raw and real words that I wrote after the death of our son, over to this blog. These are just here so they close to me, and also to share with those who truly want to get a glimpse into my journey as a grieving mother. Maybe you have been there too, maybe my words can resonate with you. Regardless, I will be posting these 11-year-old blog posts on the Peaceful Nest, words that take me back to that open rawness of painful grief. I am not touching them, editing them, or doing any type of SEO, they will stay exactly how they came out of me during those moments as I navigated my grief.

Written: March 4th, 2014

Close your eyes and think about one word to describe who you are. Hard isn’t it?

I am more than one thing.

I am a wife, a mother, a bereaved mother, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a daughter-in-law, a student, a pet owner, etc.

I am so many things.

All of those things are important.

But today I want to talk about being a WIFE and what it has taught me. I haven’t been married to long, We are going on four years. But boy does it feel like I have been married forever.

I mean that in a good way.

My husband and I met in February of 2009. We knew each other before then, we went to the same college, but we didn’t really MEET until Feb. of 2009. We dated from May- August. On August 23, 2009 we became engaged. We didn’t date for very long before we decided we were getting married June 12, 2010. We knew we were in love, we were adults, we didn’t see a point in waiting. And I don’t regret it. I fall in love with my husband more and more everyday. Sometimes I don’t remember what my life was like before him. Marrying him was the best decision I ever made.

Being married to him has taught me so much.

Here are a few things I have learned.

Being Married Is Not Always a Walk In The Park

There are times when you have to WORK at being married.I know, work?? To often people get married and assume it is going to be rainbows and butterflies the rest of their lives. Luckily I grew up with parents that didn’t sugar coat the truth. They are happily married, have been for 30 years. But never did they tell us children it came easy. There are days that my husband and I are irritable, for no good reason. There are bills to be paid, work to be done, a child to raise, etc. and none of it is easy. Sometimes life gets mundane and hard. But it’s better done together, that is for sure.

Being Married Is Fun

I enjoy my husband’s company. I think he’s funny. He makes me laugh, and life is so much better with someone who makes you laugh. I make sure he knows that there’s nothing I would rather do then sit on the couch and hang out with him. It doesn’t matter what we do. It’s fun just to be his wife.

Your Spouse Comes First Then Your Kids

To often spouses fall apart because one parent or the other or both are putting the children before their spouse. I’m not saying that you are supposed to neglect your kids, but children demand so much attention, that sometimes the spouse gets pushed to the back burner. Take a few minutes and greet your husband when he comes home from work instead of ignoring him. Have a conversation, ask him about his day before you start in on what your kids did or didn’t do or before you start fretting over what your child needs to do next. Kids can entertain themselves sometimes. I try to make sure my husband and I have a date night once a week or every other week. It’s good for your relationship to be apart from your children sometimes and it’s good for your children to see you have a life outside of them and that their father is a priority. Remember you were your husband’s before you were your child’s.

It’s OK To Disagree

We are two separate people with different backgrounds, different childhoods, different opinions, different outlooks. My husband and I don’t see things the same way all the time. We argue, not all the time, but sometimes, and that’s ok. We aren’t the same person, we aren’t going to always agree. I don’t waste time trying to make him see things my way or have my same opinion, and neither does he. If it’s not important enough to change your lives in a drastic way, why waste time fighting over it. Of course, there are things that do matter, and you do have to be on the same page about, work, children, how you spend your money, etc. but don’t sweat the small stuff.

It Is Important To Keep Your Business Private

It irks me to no end when I see people posting all over facebook about an argument their spouse and them just had or complaining about their spouse and how they did this or did that. I go by the age old rule “Do not say anything bad about your husband. to anyone. ever.” Why would I go spread gossip and hurtful things about him? That’s disrespectful in the upmost degree. When and if my husband and I get in an argument, that stays between us. We don’t argue in front of our daughter, and we keep it between us. My mom told me a long time ago that the best way to protect your marriage is to keep your disagreements and arguments to yourself and don’t go tell anybody about them, not your friends, and definitely not your parents. I’m not talking about full out abusive fights here, that is something that tells you are in an unhealthy relationship, and you need to get help. I’m talking about arguments that every healthy couple has. If you run and tell your parents, they will automatically take your side and form a negative opinion about your spouse and then when you two make up, you will be mad when your parents still have that opinion. No one wins. So do everyone a favor and keep private things private.

Your Decisions Effect More Than Just You

You can’t always be right. It can’t always be about what you want. There’s two of you in your relationship. You have to think about your spouse and how your decisions will effect them now.

Don’t Bombard Your Husband When He Comes Home From Work

He just had a long day at work and he comes home, you greet him, not with a hug and a kiss but with complaints about your day. You greet him with a honey do list. That just adds to his stress. Give him time to unwind. Let him tell you about his day, listen and let him relax. I’m guilty of doing this, I stay far from the honey do list though. I guess it might be because my mom never did that to my dad or because I hate being told I need to do this or that, why should my husband be any different. If it’s something I can do on my own, I do it. If it’s not my husband will get to it when he gets to it. Telling him over and over won’t help anyone.

Love Is More Than A Feeling

I love my husband. I show him I love him not just tell him. I know when he’s had a long day and I try to take over household duties he would normally do if he’s not feeling up to it. There are so many ways to show your spouse you love him. Don’t just say it, show it.