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Being a Mom is stressful in itself; add in discipline, and it feels even harder! But discipline doesn’t have to be the stern, reactive discipline of old. There are several practical ways to practice peaceful discipline.
8 Practical Ways to Practice Peaceful Discipline
Try a Time-In
Have you ever heard of the concept of a time-in? When we were doing training for adopting her son, we were introduced to this concept. A time-in is when you take your child who needs guidance and have them sit somewhere with you next to them for a few minutes to calm down. It’s similar to a time-out, but instead of separating yourself from your child, you bring your child closer. (Read: How to Connect to Your Child During Correction.)
When we use time-in, it becomes easier to connect with our children. Sometimes, children struggle with being separated from their family or parents when they have done something that is not OK. They can feel isolated. But when we use time in, they can feel connected, and they may have an easier time regulating themselves and their emotions.
Many people use this discipline technique alongside other techniques. We have found it helpful when our children feel overly emotional about a decision they have made or when they have to face consequences for their actions. This can help regulate and calm them down because they feel connected to you instead of isolated.
Stay Consistent
Consistency is a huge thing when parents are involved. You have to stay consistent when raising your children. If you are expecting a specific behavior from your child, then you need to redirect or give consequences if your child dissipates consistently. For example, I do not allow my children to be disrespectful to other people.
I teach them they can disagree with someone and still be kind and respectful. If my child is yelling at their cousins or siblings and speaking in a manner that is not OK, I consistently redirect them and do not allow the behavior to continue. No matter how tired you are, parenting does not stop. You’re either allowing habits to form in your child or directing the habits that you want to form in your child.
If we allow habits to take care of themselves, as Charlotte Mason has said, we will have conflict with our children as they grow. But if we take care of the habits as they arise, then we will secure soft, smooth, and easy days as they grow.
Explain Negative Consequences Before Your Child Gets in Trouble
When my husband and I pinpoint behaviors that we find unacceptable from our children we then talk to our child about the consequences of those actions.
For example, We do not allow the use of hands in a negative way in our family. We do not allow hitting, pushing, or using her hands to hurt somebody else. We explained that our hands are for loving touch, only hugging high-fives, etc. And if a child hits or pushes one of their siblings, there will be a consequence.
Our children know that there will be a consequence and what that consequence will be. Explain to your child what consequence they will receive if they behave negatively. That is not acceptable in your house. Then, follow through consistently every single time after you tell them what this negative consequence will be. If you give your child a little leeway where they think “I can get away with it,” then they will try everytime.
Try a “Do-Over”
Do you do do-overs in your house? If you don’t, I encourage you to try them. Do-overs can turn your day around for the better. Sometimes, when we have a really rotten day, I will look at my child and say, “Do you want a do over?” This means we erase all the misbehaviors of the day, the stress and frustration the day may have brought, and we start over.
I will often ask my kids, do you want to do it over? Offer your child and yourself grace, and say, “Look, I know that we have had a bad day and made bad decisions, but we can start over and begin again. We can turn this day around and have a good day.”
Recognize Your Own Triggers
Everyone has emotional triggers. Some things bother you that can trigger an emotional meltdown. If you do not get enough rest or you’re not eating healthy enough, the house is a disaster maybe that triggers you. Pinpoint your triggers and make sure you stay on top of them. When we recognize our triggers, we are less likely to take our frustration out on our family when we know what we need, and we are meeting those needs consistently.
Pay Attention to Your Child’s Triggers
If your child is young, they may need a certain naptime or to eat at certain times. Whatever the case, pay attention to your child’s triggers and child’s accordingly to avoid meltdowns.
Try Positive Reinforcements
Sometimes, positive reinforcement gets a bad rap, but it works. Just like setting goals for yourself, when you have positive reinforcement for your child, they can more likely meet a goal that you have set for them. If you’re working on a specific goal for your child, try setting a goal with positive reinforcement at the end that they can work towards.
Don’t be Afraid to Try Something Different
Sometimes, you might have to try something different. Not every child is the same. When disciplining your child, don’t be afraid to try different techniques, like time-in or positive reinforcement. Parenting is a journey, it is not a race. (Read: 14 Ways to Say Goodbye to Angry Mommy.)
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