Understanding Intrusive Thoughts in Kids

Almost everyone gets them, but no one likes to talk about it: intrusive thoughts. It can be a challenging thing to talk to your kids about intrusive thoughts; after all, there can be such a range of what is considered normal and what isn’t. (Read: 5 Tips For Your Anxious Mommy Heart)

Those fleeting unwanted thoughts may show up in anyone’s mind, however in children they typically begin showing up between the ages of 8 to 12. If your child comes to you and let’s you know that they are struggling with having thoughts they don’t want, you may be wondering what to do next.

What are Intrusive Thoughts?

The first step is to understand what intrusive thoughts are.

Instrusive thoughts are different than the typical worries of childhood. However, intrusive thoughts and anxiety can go hand in hand. (If you are wondering what other symptoms may be signs of anxiety in children, read here) Normal worries typically have a shelf life, and then it disappears.

However, an intrusive thought is a troubling thought or a mental image that randomly pops up in someone’s mind. It is unwanted and can cause distress to people, especially children.

Instrusive thoughts can be scary, especially for kids and if it’s about a dark or violent topics. They are called intrusive thoughts because they are unwanted (much like a person who breaks into our house.)

These thoughts come out of nowhere and may return over and over. Additionally, they aren’t normal thoughts that a child has, and it typically upsets the child.

Sometimes a child may have difficulty expressing these thoughts because they seem out of character (not something they typically think about) it may be embarrassing to them, or they may feel like something is wrong with them.

However, if your child does come to you confessing these intrusive thoughts, it’s important to remember that it can be absolutely normal!

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Have you ever been scrolling through reels and come across one that describes intrusive thoughts? For example, thoughts about falling down the steps with a baby in your arms, putting your hand on a hot stove, or jumping off a cliff randomly. While these reels are entertaining, these scenarios paint an authentic picture of the types of intrusive thoughts that people may have.

These are things that we would never purposely do, but these thoughts pop up anyway. Kids can experience the same thing. They can be completely normal and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong.

Intrusive thoughts are not always a sign of a mental illness, so if you see that your child is able to shrug the thoughts off and move about their day, this is a good sign. Also, if you notice these thoughts are far and few between, it’s okay to just monitor your child’s thoughts (keep a mental note of what intrusive thoughts they have and how often.)

What if Intrusive Thoughts are a Sign of Something Deeper?

While intrusive thoughts can be completely normal, there are some mental disorders that can cause intrusive thoughts. These mental disorders are:

• Anxiety: intrusive thoughts may show up as worries and what-ifs that refuse to leave your child’s brain.
• OCD: with this disorder, kids will have repeated worries and mental images that may scare them. In order to make these worries go away they will feel like they must do something in order to control those thoughts. (such as wash their hands repeatedly in order to prevent a deadly illness.)
• PTSD: Post-traumatic stress disorder appears when someone has survived a traumatic event that was dangerous, triggering, or scary. Kids may relive these events throught mental flashbacks and memories. These thoughts may pop up out of the blue and can be very intense.

Examples of Intrusive Thoughts

While intrusive thoughts can be a number of different types, with children they are usually one of these three categories.

These categories are:

• Flashbacks: intrusive thoughts that are flashbacks can occur with children who have PTSD and can show up randomly. These thoughts may include reliving the trauma experiences, hearing something that takes them back to the trauma event or seeing an image in their mind over and over again.

• Worries: worry intrusive thoughts can be normal and can also be associated with anxiety or OCD. These worry thoughts are often hard to get rid of and may be something like: “what if mom gets in a car wreck if she leaves the house?” “What if I accidentally hurt my friend’s feelings and she never forgives me?” or “A tornado is going to appear out of nowhere and suck me up.”

• “Inappropriate” thoughts: another form of intrusive thoughts is what a child will call “inappropriate” thoughts. These thoughts will appear out of nowhere and feel wrong to the child. Often, they may involve being violent, sexual, or doing something illegal in nature. These random thoughts can make a child feel like there is something wrong with them and cause them shame. Examples of these thoughts can include: picturing someone naked. Thinking about someone getting hurt or hurting someone. Imagining themselves lying and stealing.

While these aren’t the only types of inappropriate thoughts a child may have, typically they are thoughts that a child would morally believe is wrong or shameful.

What to do If Your Child is Having Intrusive Thoughts

It’s important to remember that intrusive thoughts can absolutely be normal!

They can be annoying and often disturbing but it is possible to move past them. If your child confesses to having intrusive thoughts, the first thing to do is to encourage your child.

Don’t shame them if they confess to an inappropriate thought. Reinforce that those thoughts are not from the child but random thoughts that pop into almost everyone’s thoughts.

Comfort them by letting them know that it’s possible to get reasonable control of intrusive thoughts and they don’t mean they are “bad” o that anything is wrong with them. It simply means they are human. When a child feels heard and understands that intrusive thoughts don’t mean anything is wrong with them, they can typically move past them fairly quickly.

How to Help a Child Who Has Intrusive Thoughts

If your child comes to you and confesses that they are having intrusive thoughts, your first step is to determine how often these thoughts are happening.

If intrusive thoughts happen only occasionally, offering your child encouragement and giving them a good sense of what intrusive thoughts are can be all they need.

When reassuring your child who is having intrusive thoughts, remind them that thoughts are normal and cannot cause harm to your child if they randomly pop up in their mind. When a child knows this, it becomes easier not to worry over every little intrusive thought.

If your child is showing signs that intrusive thoughts may be more than just an occasional occurrence or that their thoughts are disrupting their daily life, are about harming themselves or someone else, there are a few steps you can take.

The first thing to do is schedule an appointment with your child’s pediatrician. At this appointment, your child’s doctor can provide more education, assess your child, and suggest what they think the next steps should be.

Additionally, different types of therapy can help a child. These may include play therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and talking to a therapist.

If your child is concerned about intrusive thoughts, rest assured: You can help them understand what they are, why they occur, and how to avoid letting them take root in their minds.

Also Read: Understanding the Signs of Anxiety in Children