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What is Reactive Parenting?
Have you ever exploded all over your child out of frustration? Maybe your child is having a temper tantrum, throwing themselves around on the floor, or you don’t know what to do. Maybe it seems like no matter what you do to help your child with a temper tantrum, it’s not working. This can quickly lead to reactive parenting. (Read: 12 Ways to Become More Peaceful Today.)
When we react to our child’s behavior based on emotion, that is reactive parenting.
I am not going to lie to you. I have been a reactive parent sometimes. It isn’t easy to put aside our own emotions when our children are melting down or not acting the way we believe they should. Frustration can mount, leading to irritation and annoyance, and then we become emotional and allow that to guide how we react to our child’s misbehavior.
The good news is that you don’t have to stay a reactive parent. You can decide every day to wake up, be a more peaceful parent, and practice peaceful parenting rather than reacting to your child’s misbehavior with your own emotions in every situation.
Why Do We Sink into Reactive Parenting?
It is easy to sink into reactive parenting. Allowing our emotions to control us can be something many people do in every area of their lives. Only allowing emotions to control us and not trying to control our emotions can lead to situations that can be avoided, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.
Why is Peaceful Parenting a Better Option?
Peaceful parenting is better than reactive parenting because it says, “I’m going to put aside my own emotions while you are melting down, get on your level, and help you work through what is going on instead of adding fuel to the fire with my uncontrolled emotional outburst.”
Every mom will react out of emotions sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be expected for your family.
Now, you will not always be a calm and peaceful mom. It’s just not possible. I wish I could be, and I’m sure you wish you could be, but you are only human. I am only human. But there are things we can do to help us parent from peace most of the time. Reacting out of your emotions when your child is having a difficult time does not have to be the norm for your family. When we take the time to start practicing peaceful parenting, then it becomes easier to connect with our children and connect with their hearts.
Six Habits to Help You Stop Being a Reactive Parent
Take Care of Self-Care
Self-care is an integral part of life. We start by teaching our children how to care for themselves, so why do we think we must sacrifice self-care to be good mothers as moms? It’s not true. It’s a lie that society likes to tell us. You do not have to sacrifice your self-care to be a good mother. You are a good mother when you prioritize taking care of yourself.
When you prioritize self-care as a mother or a father, you show your children that taking care of yourself is essential. You are also taking the time to make sure you feel your very best to give your children your best when they need you the most.
Practice Counting to 10 (or 50)
If your child is having a difficult time and you are finding that you’re having a hard time dealing with your emotions, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your child is to leave the room if it is safe, count to 10 or even 50 if you need to, and get a breather. Doing so will help you calm down to better manage your child’s emotions with them.
Set Aside Your Emotions and Figure Out Your Triggers
It’s hard for humans to set aside our emotions. We like to react to many things based on our emotions and how we feel about something. But when it comes to mothers, parents, and children, we cannot allow our emotions to control us. If you are reacting to your child’s behavior based on your own emotions, it’s crucial to figure out what triggers you to be emotional towards the child.
When you do this, it becomes easier to approach the situation calmly rather than emotionally.
Pay Attention to Your Child’s Triggers and Needs
Not only should you pay attention to your needs and triggers, but your child’s triggers and needs are important. Children cannot handle the emotions as adults can. And it’s not fair to ask them to. Our job is to teach them how to recognize and handle emotions as they grow.
However, you can pay careful attention to your child’s triggers and needs as a parent. For example, if you have a toddler who needs a nap around noon every day because it is just so exhausting, and it is not fair to them to plan something during their nap time that they have to do and then expect them to be on their best Behavior. That is what I mean by paying attention to the checkers and their needs.
Get on Your Child’s Level and Talk to Them About How They Would Understand
Growing up, I was always taught that children are just little people and that you can talk to them like they have their thoughts, opinions, and ideas about things because they do. It is possible to get down on your child’s level when they’re having a meltdown or when they’re having a difficult time and talk to them about it in a way they can understand.
Sometimes, all your child needs are a hug from you, knowing they are OK.
I spoke to my brother the other day about raising children from trauma. I know this doesn’t apply to everybody, but it’s an excellent general role for all children. Connection with your child happens when they’re struggling or having a difficult time, and when you pick them up and you hold them and tell them it’s OK, it’s going to be all right.
That is when connections with children who come from trauma or children in general typically happen. So, do not be afraid to get on your child’s level and talk to them about their struggles. Focus on connection and then correction.
Set Clear Boundaries and Practice Consistency with Your Parenting
Consistent parenting is essential for many reasons. Your children need to know what to expect from you, whether you’re tired or not. So, setting boundaries for your children is integral to their lives.
When they know that a particular behavior is not acceptable, they’re less likely to try to push those boundaries. So, be consistent with your boundaries and how you parent your children. (Read: Appreciaton Letter to My Hard-Working Husband.)
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