Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed as a mom? You’re not alone. With the pressures put on today’s mothers to be everything and do everything, it can be easy to spiral into being overwhelmed and stressed. Yet, stress-filled days are not what parenting is all about! You can regain control and become the calm mom you want to be. In this post, I will explore ten ways to beat the stress and become less stressed as a mom.
Moms Are Stressed Because…
- The daily grind of expectations
- Lack of support
- Doing too much
- Needing to help make ends meet/not having a partner to help split responsibilities
- Expectations from society/family
- Lack of time
- Juggling work, kids, obligations, and more
These are just a few ideas of why moms are so stressed. The truth is motherhood is a full-time job. Then add on top of it all the many other obligations you have, and it’s no wonder mothers are becoming more and more burnt out.
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How do You Deal with Stress?
Let’s face it: stress is a part of life. However, how we deal with stress determines the outcome of our days. Stress triggers are a natural part of life. My stress trigger may be different than your stress trigger. Also, you may not have any stress triggers, although it’s safe to say most moms do.
The more weight a mother takes on and the less support she has, the more likely she will be crushed by the weight of stress that life throws at her.
Dealing with stress head-on is very important. It’s equally important to figure out your triggers as a mom and even just as a human being. Is it being told (or reminded) what to do? (This is mine.) Are you triggered when your child has a meltdown? It may make you feel out of control or take you back to a point in your childhood. Is it the feeling that you aren’t doing enough? Digging deep and examining inside yourself will help you figure out if you have any triggers and precisely what they are. Talking to someone will help as well.
Dealing with stress head-on is the best way to get ahead of it.
What Relieving Stress Can Do for You
When you take the time to relieve the stress that comes with motherhood that you may be feeling, you will find yourself feeling lighter. More peace will come into your household. You will be able to excel in motherhood, work, etc.
Everyone responds to stress differently. For example, when stressed, I am like a deer in the headlights. The responsibilities I have become overwhelming, and I have trouble figuring out where to start. So, I don’t start. I leave everything where it is, and I don’t push through. This is an unhealthy way to respond to stress. Yet, with simple tools, I have learned to take on the stress healthily and move forward with my responsibilities.
Positive Psychology and Its Role in Parenting
One concept that has helped me on my parenting journey is positive psychology. To explain what positive psychology is, I need first to explain what it is not. It is not just optimistic thinking. Yes, being optimistic and positive does help you in motherhood; it helps you see the potential and positives in situations. However, that is not what positive psychology is.
Positive Psychology is described as this: “Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).
To take it a bit deeper, Peterson says, “Positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad, and taking the lives of ordinary people up to “great” instead of focusing solely on moving those who are struggling up to “normal” (Peterson, 2008).” (Per the Positive Psychology website.)
So, knowing all of this, how can positive psychology be applied to parenting?
In my experience, mothers often dwell on their negatives. We focus on the negative side of mothering, what is hard, what is going wrong, etc. We focus on what our kids are doing wrong, what they can do better, etc. With positive psychology, we can take the reverse approach and focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. With all that said, here are ten tips for relieving stress as a mom who works alongside positive psychology.
Ten Positive Psychology Tips for Relieving Stress
Get Outside
Getting outside will do wonders for you as a mom and your family. There is something about the fresh air and sunlight that helps clear our minds and brings stress down. In this article, Healthline offers eight benefits of getting outdoors. If you need newfound energy, try going for a nature walk, playing outdoors, or even a bike ride alone or as a family for a week. See how you feel afterward!
Stress Diary
A stress diary can help you figure out precisely what your stressors are. Do you find yourself becoming overwhelmed and annoyed easily? Grab a journal and start jotting down what is happening when you feel this way. Soon, you will see clear patterns of why you are becoming so stressed.
Exercise
I remember one time; after cheering at a football game, I went out with my friends to eat. We were slap-happy and giggly, like teenagers usually are, and couldn’t understand why we were laughing so hard. One of my friends at the time said, “Oh, I know why we are giggling! We just worked out which releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! It’s a small and silly memory, but I always think of it when I exercise.
Exercise does indeed release endorphins, and endorphins do make you happy. Want more research on this? Read this article.
Keep an Anxiety Record
An anxiety record is similar to a stress diary. However, instead of focusing on your stressors, you are focusing on the anxiety you may be feeling. Anxiety can cause an abundance of physical symptoms as well as mental and emotional symptoms. If you are feeling anxious, keeping an anxiety record can help you pinpoint what leads to the anxiety. It can also give you a clearer picture of how much you are experiencing anxiety.
Change How You See Your Stressor
Life is full of stressors. We can’t run and hide from them. Changing how we see our stressors can help reduce stress in the long run. Try focusing on your strengths, the different perspectives of approaching your stressors, or getting a different perspective from a friend.
Make Self-Care a Priority
It’s easy for moms to neglect self-care in the name of being good moms. However, we can only operate at our full potential as moms if we care for ourselves. To be your best self, you must also take care of yourself.
Mindful Reflection
Sometimes, it is easy to go through life without reflecting on our actions or words. However, when we mindfully reflect on why we behave or react the way we do, we will go a long way toward beating stress.
For example, as a mom, I have apologized to my children more than I can count for simply being cranky. It can be easy to think, well, I’m the mom; I can act any way I want. Yet, being mindful of my actions has made me more aware of when I am reacting unfairly or hurtfully. Mindful reflection puts your actions under a microscope but in a good way, which leads me to my next tip—a fixed vs. growth mindset.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset
Have you ever heard of a fixed vs. growth mindset? When a person has a growth mindset, it means they believe they can develop intelligence and talents as life goes on. However, on the other hand, having a fixed mindset means the person believes they cannot and will not develop a skill or intelligence no matter how hard they try.
So, what does a fixed and growth mindset do with parenting and stress? Sometimes, the stressors we feel as parents go back to feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, or simply ill-prepared for the circumstances surrounding parenting. So, if I have a fixed mindset as a mom, I believe I am who I am, I will never grow as a mom, and my family should accept me. I can’t work on anything. If I have a growth mindset, I see the triggers and stressors as circumstances that can improve with time and work. Therefore, how we view our stressors goes hand in hand with whether we have a growth or fixed mindset.
Practice Mindful Parenting
Mindful parenting goes hand in hand with mindful reflection. Being a mindful parent means looking at your reactions and behavior under a microscope; you are picking up on what is unnecessary and not helpful to your children. Yelling at my kids when I am feeling stressed is unhelpful. I explained to my older children that my mom simply felt pressured and that I felt stressed was better. Simple actions like that take time to learn for some. However, they can go a long way in changing how we react to stressors.
What is Your Strength? Use It.
One of the main concepts of positive psychology is using your strength. Don’t focus just on your weaknesses as a mom. What is your strength? Are you creative? Do you like to be organized? Is being the fun mom one of your strengths? Do you rock the informative conversations or reading to your kids at bedtime? Figure out what your strengths are and build upon those. Focusing merely on the negative will keep you stuck in a place where stress will crush you. Yet, focusing on your strengths as a mom will put circumstances in a different perspective. Need more convincing? Read this article on why focusing on strengths helps.
Our Kids Can Adopt Our Coping Skills
Our children are watching us. They will adopt our coping skills. I have seen this true in my children. For example, one of my children is prone to anxiety. Anxiety is also something that her dad has carried around for most of his life. When he realized how it affected our daughter, he became more mindful of the anxiety controlling him. He has gotten an excellent handle on it over the last year. Yet, helping our daughter learn to deal with the anxiety that has crept in over the last ten years of her life is ongoing.
Be mindful of how your child is adopting your coping skills. If it’s an unhealthy coping skill, it’s never too late to reverse it. It will just take time.
Being Intentional Is Important
The above point goes hand in hand with being an intentional mom. It is easy to live life without being intentional. We do what we want to do and deal with the consequences later. Being an intentional parent is contrary to how most of society lives today. It means putting down our electronics, talking to our kids, and being involved in what is going on in their lives. It means getting to know our kid’s friends, who they hang around, and what they listen to. It means having hard conversations and staying involved. Being intentional is a crucial step toward away potential stressors that may become too big too fast in our lives and our children’s lives.
One Last Note
Being stressed is something today’s society has adopted as part of being an adult. However, we do not need to live a stressed-filled life. We can take actionable steps to combat stress and create the calm and peaceful life we want as moms. Starting with these steps can bring us closer to being less stressed!
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