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Do you ever feel like a reactive parent? Do you want to become a gentler mom with your children but aren’t sure how? He can quickly become a reactive mom. Being a reactive parent is reacting to situations without thinking about what is most important. I will not lie, but I have been a reactive parent. Sometimes, I feel like I am too harsh of a mom because I let my emotions get the better. But you don’t have to stay stuck as a reactive mom. (Read: Dear Internet, I’m Not a Perfect Mom.)
How Can Reactive Parenting Steal from You?
Whether we wanted to or not, reactive parenting styles from us.
First, it Steals Your Time.
When we are reactive parents, I can steal the time we have with our family and children. We spend so much time being frustrated and cranky toward our family that we don’t realize the time is passing us by.
Steals Your Joy.
Reactive parenting also steals your joy. When you’re a reactive parent, you spend a lot of time being frustrated at things that are not as important as they seem. And you forget to enjoy your children in the here and now. We spend our entire day being frustrated and cranky. That’s a day that we have wasted. We will never get that time back. And you will never have the opportunity to be joyful during that day.
Takes Your Peace.
I like to hold myself accountable for creating a peaceful home for my children and my family. Being a reactive mom or a cranky mom can steal the piece that we have and the piece that we are trying so hard to create for our families.
What is Gentle Parenting?
What is gentle parenting? Many people have different ideas about gentle parenting. To me, gentle parenting means Considering your child while your parents are in, remembering that your child is a human with real feelings and real thoughts separate from you, and using that knowledge to parent them the best way you can.
Say Goodbye to Angry Mommy
You can say goodbye to harsh mommy today. You do not have to stay stuck as a cranky, reactive mom who is frustrated at her children and doesn’t feel peaceful. Does this mean that you will always be peaceful? No. We all have our days where we do not feel peaceful. No one has it together 100% of the time—not even me. But we can become more and more peaceful as time goes on and the more we practice being gentle parents.
Work on Self-Care First
One of the first things you need to do is work on self-care. If you neglect yourself, then you will pour from an empty cup. It’s easy in society to take on the martyr as a mom. We think we have to sacrifice everything that makes us us to be good parents. But the truth is that it is far from accurate. To be a peaceful and gentle mom, you must take care of yourself. Here are several chips I can help you get started with self-care as a mom.
Count to 20 Before Responding
Sometimes, it’s easy to react and be a reactive mom when something goes wrong in our families or when we feel frustrated with our children. But you don’t have to stay stuck as a reactive mom.
One way that helps me call myself is counting to 20. I know it sounds super simple, and it does. Taking a breath and counting to 20 before you react to your children or a situation that you’re frustrated about can help you calm down.
Soften Your Heart
What do I mean by “soften my heart”? In order to be a gentler mom, you have to have a soft heart toward your children.
It’s easy to let frustration and annoyance harden our hearts; we don’t always see it happen. But softening her heart is essential, which brings me to my next point.
Remind Yourself That Your Child is Human
Your child is a human—just like you. They have their thoughts, feelings, and ways of understanding things. Your child is not a carbon copy of yourself. When we start to see our children as just little people with their thoughts and ideas, when we start to see our children as human, we start to become more gentle with them. Because we all know that as adults, we are not perfect, and neither are our children.
Practice Do-Overs Daily
Practicing do-overs as a family can help you become a gentler mom. What do I mean by do-overs? I do it over when you ask your child if they would like to start the day over if you are both frustrated. Or, if you were feeling frustrated, start the day over with a fresh slate. This requires you to put away your pride and start again; it is that simple.
Don’t be Afraid to Apologize
Have you ever apologized to a child? It is one of the most humbling experiences you will ever have. I have learned in life that children are some of the most forgiving people on this planet. When you apologize to your child after losing your cool or when you know that you owe them an apology, it helps you let go of pride. It shows your children that even adults make mistakes, and apologizing for your mistakes is very important. One way to get started with being a gentler mom is being mindful of when we make mistakes and when an apology is in order.
Surround Yourself with a Tribe
Find people who you can surround yourself with, people who will help you during this parenting thing. People who you can bounce ideas off of and share your heart.
Forgive Yourself
Like I said before, parenting is not easy. We all make mistakes as moms and parents. Forgiving ourselves helps us deal with any pride we may have. Learning to forgive yourself can help soften your heart.
Try to Focus on the Connection While Correcting
Discipline is an integral part of parenting, but discipline is entirely different from punishment. Practicing connecting with your child’s heart during correction is a great place to start. Here are simple ways I can help you connect to your child’s heart while you correct their behavior.
Why Does Gentle Parenting Work?
Gentle parenting works because it prioritizes connection over everything else. Connection with your child helps them thrive, learn, and grow. As moms, we want that for our children. We want them to learn how to thrive in this world and feel safe and loved. Gentle parents can help you give that to your child.
Why Does it Matter?
The way we parent our children matter because it helps shape who they are and who they will become. No, no one is a perfect mom. No one has it all together. And we all make mistakes. But we can get up every day and decide to do our very best for our children. Sometimes, we will come out short, and that is OK. But as long as you’re trying your very best every day, that is what matters. (Read: 7 Tips to Reduce Stress as a Stay-at-Home Mom.)
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