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How to go From Reactive to Peaceful as a Parent
Reactive parenting is when you use your emotions instead of your head and heart. We all have been reactive parents before. It’s easy when your child is throwing a tantrum about something that does not make sense, or your child is not listening for the 30th time. No one wants to be a reactive parent but to some being a peaceful parent can seem daunting. In this article I am going to evaluate the key differences between reactive parenting and peaceful parenting. (Read: How to Reduce Stress as a Stay-at-Home Mom.)
Whatever it may be, every person has experienced reactive parenting.
But you do not have to stay stuck as a reactive parent. You can become a more peaceful parent. All it takes is intention and work.
If you want to learn to be a less reactive parent, here are 6 of my best tips.
What is Peaceful Parenting?
Peaceful parenting is when you decide to parent from peace and not with your emotions.
It means that even when your child is melting down, you use your head and logic to help connect to their hearts.
It means that even when you’re having a tough day, you choose peace over being reactive.
The truth is we cannot control everything in our lives—our children, our spouse, or anything else. But what we can control is ourselves and our reactions to situations. When we decide to let go of control over other people and start focusing on control over ourselves, we can start genuinely practicing peaceful parenting.
Why Should We Say Goodbye to Reactive Parenting?
Reactive parenting causes more harm than good. It is challenging and impossible to help de-escalate a child when escalating yourself.
I have noticed that when I am reactive, my children’s emotions go up and get more out of control. But when I remain peaceful and calm when interacting with them, even when they’re in trouble, they remain calmer.
It is hard not to give into reactive parenting, especially when you’ve had enough. However, reactive parenting will not help you connect to your child’s heart and reach the root of the real issues.
Why Should We Start Practicing Peaceful Parenting?
When interacting with your children, peaceful parenting will help you think with a clear mind and head. You can look at a situation and think clearly about how to react.
Peaceful parenting also helps your children learn to react to situations calmly because they will take their cues from you.
How Can Peaceful Parenting Impact Our Everyday Lives?
Peaceful parenting can help you create a peaceful home life for yourself and your children. People thrive when the atmosphere around them is peaceful. Everyone needs a place where they can come home and feel safe, loved, and peaceful, and your children are no different.
Peaceful parenting will help you create the peaceful atmosphere you want and desire for your family.
Not all children are born with the bond of their primary caregiver. If you are parenting a child that comes from trauma, it is essential to attempt peaceful parenting, in my opinion.
The reason is that traditional discipline styles, parenting styles, etc., do not always work with children who come from trauma. When you’re parenting a child who may have experienced trauma in the past, peaceful parenting can help guide you when you are parenting them.
What Do I Mean by This?
We adopted our child from Vietnam when he was four years old. I won’t go into detail about his story because that’s his to share; however, his primary bond with his biological parents was severed.
This meant that the way we parented our biological children and disciplined our biological children did not work for him. We learned this quickly in our training and right after bringing him home.
I have noticed that when I parent him peacefully, including disciplining him, he is less likely to escalate his emotions.
Then I noticed this is also true for most children.
But How Do You Parent Peacefully?
You can parent peacefully by putting aside your emotions, looking at the bigger picture, and thinking about your end goal for your children.
It’s hard to de-escalate an escalated child when we are escalating ourselves.
When we are escalated, we cannot help a child de-escalate. It’s straightforward: Most children feed off of their parents’ emotions. So, if you are upset, they will become even more upset. You can parent without emotions and still have boundaries, consequences, and consistency.
We must share our calm with our children when they are melting down.
How Can Peaceful Parenting Help You Have a Peaceful and Calm Day?
Have you ever gotten so upset with your child, a situation, or even your spouse that you let it ruin your entire day? The truth is that when we are moms, our feelings play a huge role in how peaceful our home is.
It’s not always fair, but moms are the home’s heartbeat.
If you practice peaceful parenting and set aside your emotions, you can create a calm and peaceful atmosphere for your family and a calm and peaceful day.
No, not every day will be calm and peaceful, and you will have moments where you struggle with reactive parenting. We all do. However, with intention, you can create a calm and peaceful home for your family.
Start With Consistency
One thing that helps me parent peacefully is staying consistent with my boundaries and my expectations of myself and my children. If you expect your child to behave a certain way, then be consistent with expecting this behavior from your child 100% of the time.
For example, I expect my children to listen to me when I ask them not to do something or when I ask them to do something. If my child is not listening for some reason, then there are clear consequences for not listening to me.
Another example is that I expect my children to be grateful when interacting with other people, especially if somebody gives them something. It’s easy to forget manners, so we started teaching them manners when they were young, and sometimes, we still have to remind them to say thank you, please, and show appreciation regardless of the gift.
Take Care of Yourself
We cannot pour from an empty cup. I know you have heard this before. You must take care of yourself to be a peaceful parent. Everything can be triggered more quickly when you feel like you’re at your ropes and everything annoys you. Make taking care of yourself as a mom a priority.
Evaluate Your Expectations of Yourself and Your Children
What are you expecting from yourself and your children? Sometimes, we set our expectations for our children and ourselves way too high. When we expect our children to do something beyond their capability, it’s easier to become a reactive parent when they do not meet those expectations. The same can be said for us. It’s essential to show yourself grace and show your children grace.
It is possible to be a peaceful parent, but it just takes work and mindfulness.
After evaluating the key differences between reactive parenting and peaceful parenting I hope you walk away confident knowing that being a peaceful parent is possible. It may take work and a lot of intention, but it is possible to turn your household around, stop being a reactive parent, and become more peaceful and calmer. Here are several tips from my most-read posts that can help you start being a peaceful parent and creating a peaceful home life for your family. (Read: How Can You Become a Calmer Mom?)
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