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How to be a Peaceful Mom When Siblings Argue
Siblings argue, or so they say.
If you have more than one child, you know that siblings argue. Some argue more than others. If you go out with siblings, you might know this to be true, too.
The common thought in society is that siblings don’t get along. They argue, and they are very rarely close.
But is this the correct order of things?
What is that guy’s design for siblings? For us to argue with each other constantly and not get along or be close as we grow up?
I don’t believe that that’s what God intended for siblings. I believe God created siblings as lifelong friends. You can be there for each other for their whole lives. Your sibling is the one person who knows you better than anybody else and has known you the longest. It’s the same for your children.
You can encourage a strong bond between your children starting when they are little and you can remain a peaceful mom when siblings argue. (Read: How to Help Your Family Become More Peaceful.)
Why Encouraging a Strong Bond Between Siblings is Important
This isn’t true for everybody, but in most families, siblings can be the closest people to you. I consider my siblings some of my best friends. When we were little, we argued some, but as we grew, we became closer and closer to each other. I desire the same for my children. I want them to grow up being close and knowing they can count on each other when they need each other the most. When I have been at my lowest, it has been my siblings, along with my husband and parents, that I’ve been there for me the most.
Life is hard. There are things we face as we grow that can be easier to face when we’re with somebody who loves us. When we face things surrounded by those who love us, it is easier to get through. That is, we’re having a sibling bond that can come in handy for your children.
Sibling arguments can annoy parents (they do me!)
Sometimes, I just want to ask, “Can you just get along?” But the truth is, sibling arguments can’t be a healthy way for them to figure out how to manage their feelings, think about other people, and overcome disagreements. I save their environment with those people who will always love them: their siblings.
How to Handle Sibling Arguments Peacefully
You can handle sibling arguments peacefully, even if it seems like you are drowning in them daily. It takes intention and time, but it is possible.
Try Letting Them Work It Out First
The first thing you can do is see if they will work it out themselves first. The more opportunities you allow your children to work out disagreements first without stepping in, the more they will learn how to navigate these disagreements with their siblings alone.
They will only sometimes be able to work it out first, mainly if they are used to you constantly stepping in. But when we have our children to work out disagreements first, they become able to manage their feelings and navigate disagreements with their siblings, which will allow them to learn how to navigate disagreements with other people without the guidance of an adult.
Teach Empathy to Your Children
Empathy is huge. It’s an important trait we can help teach our children as they grow. Talk to your child afterward about empathy, how they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes, or even see someone else’s pointelse’s point of view even if they don’t understand it.
For example, instead of telling your child to share their toy, Ask them if they think their sibling will like a turn at something. It helps them think about the chat siblings’ feelings instead of automatically being told to share something when they don’t want to.
Avoid Asking Your Child to Share Their Toys
It can be a common habit to say share your toys. But when we step outside this box and teach our child how to empathize with their siblings, they learn how to empathize with others.
Teach them how to put themselves in their sibling shoes. Saying something like your brother likes to watch you play with blocks; what kind of building he would like to build with you? This helps your child stop thinking about themselves and start thinking outwardly about others. It can be simple with baby steps; eventually, they will learn to notice other people’s feelings instead of just their own.
Give Individual Time to Each Child
Sometimes, children need their emotional buckets filled. Try to set aside time to spend individually with each child. This isn’t easy, especially if you have a big family. But it could be something as simple as spending 15 minutes alone each night reading a book to each child or taking them out weekly for ice cream alone.
Children need individual parent time. This helps thoughts of jealousy of other siblings if they feel their sibling is getting more time than them.
Pay Attention to See if Sibling Jealousy is Arising
Look for cues to see if sibling jealousy is rising. It can feel natural to be jealous of somebody, especially if they have something that you want. If your child is feeling jealous of their sibling, try spending more individual time with them and talking to them about why they are jealous.
Talk to Your Children Often About How Having a Sibling Can Be Blessed as They Grow
Remind your child why having a sibling is a blessing, not a burden. When we view the people in our lives as blessings, it becomes easier to get along with them. It is essential to tell your children that someone isn’t going to be just like them; they will be different, and that is OK and a blessing.
God has made each of them differently, with different thoughts, ideas, and talents. You can get along with someone even if they are not exactly like you. You can appreciate your talents, ideas, and thoughts. The truth is, siblings argue, it’s inevitable. But you can continue to peacefully parent during these instances and encourage a strong sibling bond in the process. (Read: 14 Ways to Say Goodbye to Angry Mommy.)
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