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How to Help Your Toddler De-Escalate from a Tantrum
Toddler tantrums are inevitable. They are going to happen; they happen to every mom and dad you have a toddler. But why do toddler tantrums happen? Typically, it’s because they do not understand their big feelings, they are not getting their way, and they are not positive on how to express their emotions yet because they do not have the words or confidence. (Read: 14 Ways to Say Goodbye to Angry Mommy.)
You can help a toddler tantrum de-escalate quickly or you can turn the situation around so that their toddler tantrum is nothing more than a blip in your day. It does not have to turn into a big thing.
Here’s a list of simple things I have found to work with my toddlers when they were on the verge of a total meltdown.
1. Try to Distract Your Toddler
This is the first thing I do. Sometimes it works great, other times toddlers are not easily distracted from their mission. But if you’re able to, try to distract them with an activity they love, a game, or even a snack.
Sometimes, when my toddler is about to throw a tantrum in the car, we will try to play a game of count how many barns you can find or let’s see how many things that are blue that we can find. It sounds super simple, but it works. So, if you need a quick fix on how to help your child toddler de-escalate in a pinch try to distract them with a simple game or a simple activity that gets their mind off of the situation.
2. If They are Crabby Put Them in Water
I heard this phrase when my oldest was a toddler. I tried it out once and it worked. Now this might not work for everybody, but most toddlers love water. So, if your toddler is starting to get cranky and she doesn’t have to eat or it’s not naptime yet try putting her in the bathtub. Simply letting her play with bubbles or toys will curb her mood. If it’s warm take them outside and fill up the small baby pool. Water is a great distraction. It can turn a person’s mood around almost instantly even toddlers.
3. Give a Simple Choice
Sometimes toddler tantrums about the simplest things. We often think these things are really silly and they probably are. I mean why would you throw a fit about a blue cup or a red cup? But in my years of being a parent I have come to realize that children do not have many choices. They are really at the mercy of the adults in their life. So, the fact that a child throws a fit over a red cup or blue cup might seem silly to us but them it’s simply because choices are not being given to them.
So, they dig their heels into situations that they think they can control. A way to de-escalate a situation like this would be to just offer them a simple choice would you like the red cup today or the blue cup today? It’s simple it may seem a little silly to you, but it could mean the difference between a full-on tantrum or giving your child a little bit of empowerment and feeling like they can make choices too.
4. Pay Attention to Their Triggers and Learn What They Are
Everybody has triggers. Children are no different. When your children are really young it’s a great opportunity to study their habits and their behaviors and figure out what their triggers are.
Does your child get overly tired at a certain time? Does your child need to eat at a certain time? Is there a certain food that is irritating your child? These are all great observations we can make as parents. These observations are not just for us, but they are also for our children because we can use them as tools to help our child have smooth and easy days. So, figure out what your child’s triggers are learned early what they are, and then you can use this to help the escalate any situation. They say knowledge is power.
If you know that being hungry at noon triggers your child’s emotions, then you will be sure to pack a snack or make sure something is available at that time. Or if you know that your child needs to take a nap at 11 o’clock in the morning or they are grumpy all day then you can use that knowledge to help you plan around their naptime.
5. Have a Dance Party
Dance parties are a great way to distract children. Turn on some of their favorite songs and have a dance party right there in the living room or kitchen. My favorite person to listen to is Patty Shukla she has great kid songs that are active and also educational. We love a dance party to her music!
6. Try Hard to Remain Calm
Remaining calm while your child is having a tantrum can be extremely difficult. But children feed off their parents’ emotions, especially their moms. Yes, it can be frustrating and stressful when a child is having a tantrum about something you do not understand. But it’s important to be sure to try and remain calm. Especially if your child is really little
If you have to give a discipline for the tantrum it’s equally important to remain calm while giving their discipline.
In my experience when I have remained calm while giving my child a consequence or discipline for their actions the discipline goes so much more smoother than if I am upset too.
7. Ask Your Toddler to Tell You How They are Feeling/Validate Those Feelings
Children may not always be able to express how they are feeling to the adults in their lives. Especially if the child is a toddler. They may not have the words to explain their feelings. But you can help them by giving their words to them. If your child is a toddler, you can start out simple by saying something like, “I see that you feel sad, is it because you did not get the blue cup?” This will help them learn the words that they need in order to express how they are feeling in the future.
8. Get Outside and Go for a Walk
Fresh air does everybody good. There have been times when I am feeling cranky and I just know I need to get outside, so I gather my kids, and we go for a walk, or we go to the park. Children have the same way they may feel cranky because they’ve been cooped up for too long and they just need to get outside and get some fresh air.
So, if your child is on the verge of a tantrum offer to go for a walk with them or take them outside to play at the playground. You may be surprised how this quickly turns their day around.
9. Ask Them to Draw You a Picture of What They are Feeling
Toddlers don’t have the words often to express to you how they are feeling but sometimes they can draw a picture. So, if all else fails ask your child to draw you a picture of how they are feeling so they can get their emotions to paper and hopefully turn the day around.
Toddler Tantrums are Inevitable.
They will happen to everyone. But you can learn to help your child de-escalate quickly! (Read: 12 Ways to Become a More Peaceful Mom Today.)
What to do now: Join Chaos to Calm Mom Fb Group Today!