Do you let irritation and frustration rule your motherhood? I have a confession to make, I am not always a calm mom. I wake up every day and strive to be the calmest mom I can be. But sometimes I come up short. And that is OK. I have unnecessarily snapped at my children out of frustration and irritation. It’s normal because you’re human and we’re all human, and we’re all going to make mistakes. But it’s when we allow frustration and irritation to roll over our motherhood in our household that it becomes a problem.
Is it possible to be a calmer mom?
Sometimes it may seem like becoming a calm mom is a far-fetched dream. There’s too many triggers, there’s too many emotions, and there’s too much that you have to do on your plate.
Here’s the thing: it is possible to be a calmer mom. How do I know? Because I have lived it. I have allowed my frustration and irritation to control how I react to situations in my household. I have been a reactive parent. And I know that being a reactive parent is not a good path to take for my family or my children. A better option is becoming a peaceful parent. But how do you become a peaceful or calm mom when you’re so used to reacting to situations based off of emotions?
How Can Your Irritation Affect Your Household?
Do you know the old saying If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy? I know this is supposed to be funny. But it’s really true. The reason this is true is that you are the center of your household. Yes, there are other people in your household, but the one person who can make or break the atmosphere is the mother. I know that is not fair, and I’m not saying that you can’t have your emotions and your frustrations because of this. But it is important to be mindful of how our reactions to different things and our emotions affect our child’s day.
If you don’t believe me, then do an experiment. When your child wakes up happy, snap at them for something unnecessary. After you do that, watch the light go out of their day. This might seem extreme, but it’s happened to me before, and if you’re being honest with yourself, it’s happened to you before. Am I right?
You have the ability, as the foundation of your house, to build it up or tear it down. I don’t know about you, but I want to build up my household and I want to build up my children. And that comes with being intentional about how we react to situations.
9 Simple Tips to Go From Irritated Mom to Calm Mom
Make self-care a priority
You cannot pour from an empty cup. I know you have heard the same before, but it is true. Moms are the only people in society who are told they need to sacrifice self-care to be a good mom. This is not true. In fact, I would argue that in order to be a good mom, you need to prioritize self-care. When you feel your best and take care of yourself, you’re better able to care for the people you are responsible for.
Use the hair tie trick
I have heard this trick 10 different ways. But basically the concept is the same. When you were at home with your children, put a hair tie on your wrist. When you find yourself becoming irritated and snapping at your children, and you recognize it right away, move the hair tie to the other wrist. Continue to do this all day. This simple activity can help you start recognizing how your emotions show up toward your children.
This simple exercise can help you recognize when you’re irritated and frustrated. I’ve also read that another way to do this is to grab a stack of hair ties, and every time you are irritated with your children, put a hair tie on your wrist; at the end of the day, you will see how many times you were irritated. This is a great way to start recognizing moments you may not have noticed before.
Learn to recognize your triggers
What sets you off? What irritates or annoys you? Is it not having any time in the morning by yourself? If so, do your best to get up in the morning before your children wake up. Do you become irritated when you feel unprepared for the day? Take a few minutes every evening to plan your next day.
Learn to recognize what triggers you and what makes you become irritated and annoyed. Then take action to help curb those irritations and annoyances. I know there are unavoidable stressors in our lives as adults; they can make us irritated. That is when recognizing your triggers comes in handy because you can manage them; you can learn to control them so that you are not taking your annoyances out on your children.
Start a journal and write it down
Having an outlet to talk about how you’re feeling is important. I’m a huge advocate for having somebody to talk to, whether that is a close friend, your spouse, your mom, or even a counselor. But not everybody has those, so if you feel more comfortable, start a journal and start writing down those things that are irritating you and get those things out so they’re not bottled up and spilling out on the people you love.
Find a tribe of moms
Do you have a close friend that you can talk to about what is going on in your life? Do you have somebody you can turn to when you’re feeling annoyed or irritated and you just need to blow off steam? Find your mommy tribe. Find other women who understand what it’s like to be in your shoes and are going through what you’re going through right now. Nobody wants to do this parenting journey alone. But with the busyness of our daily lives, oftentimes moms end up feeling extremely alone.
Take a look at your expectations of yourself and your child
Sometimes I notice I start feeling more annoyed and frustrated when I expect too much of myself. I expect myself to do everything; sometimes I have to prioritize. Sometimes I have to take a look at the expectations that I have placed on myself and say, ” Wow, Jenna, you have really put too much on your shoulders, and you need to bring it down just a little bit.
It is also important to look at the expectations you have for your children. Because humans are human and everybody makes mistakes and has fears, if your expectations are too high, you’ll find yourself feeling much more irritated than if you relax and approach situations calmly and peacefully.
Plan ahead to combat stress
Create a plan. I am not a planner. My personality is type B. I am really relaxed when it comes to my household and my children. However, I was married to someone who is type A, and I learned that it was easier for all of us and our house for me to plan ahead certain things like chores and events in order to combat my stress, the stress on my then-husband, and the stress on my children. So one simple thing you can do is plan your day or week ahead of time; that way, you won’t feel stressed out, your family won’t feel stressed, and you can enjoy each other more.
