This month is my son’s birthday month. He would be 13 years old this year if he was still on earth with us. I was looking back at my old blog, No More Afflictions (it’s still up today) that I started back in 2013, right after our second child was born, our rainbow baby Miss B. It was interesting to see how far I have come as a blogger, but I started that blog for healing, before I even knew blogging was a way to make an extra income. I enjoyed reading through the raw emotion and realness of these posts. Are they perfect? No. Do they have the right headlines, are they optimized for SEO, or do they reach a target audience? No. They are posts that I wrote only for me. Since I haven’t been on that blog in probably ten years, I decided to transfer those words, those raw and real words that I wrote after the death of our son, over to this blog. These are just here so they close to me, and also to share with those who truly want to get a glimpse into my journey as a grieving mother. Maybe you have been there too, maybe my words can resonate with you. Regardless, I will be posting these 11-year-old blog posts on the Peaceful Nest, words that take me back to that open rawness of painful grief. I am not touching them, editing them, or doing any type of SEO, they will stay exactly how they came out of me during those moments as I navigated my grief.
Mask
Written: January 23, 2014
I wear a mask sometimes.
A mask to hide my pain and broken heart.
I know I am not the only one guilty.
Think about it.
Have you ever been in a crowded room with People laughing, smiling, chatting, and your heart feels as though it’s about to burst? Hot tears threaten to overflow any minute? Your throat is closed up and feels as though you just swallowed a giant rock that won’t go down?
I know I have.
But instead of letting my emotions show I put a mask on and plant a smile on my face.
Because that’s what you are supposed to do.
Thats what a good Christian, a strong Christian does.
Right?
No.
Our world is too full of masks. Too full of people pretending to be ok when really they feel llike giving up and giving in. We as a society have the mentality that you HAVE to be ok after a certain amount of time. Especially if you are a Christian. Put on your mask, pretend like you are ok, even if you are not because no one wants to hear about tragedy, child loss, or broken hearts. I’m not sure why we think this but this mentality needs to stop. You take off your mask and I’ll take off mine. I’ll show you my downs, my broken heart, my struggles, and you can show me yours.
You can show God your broken heart as well. It’s not like he doesn’t already know. He doesn’t need or want you to be strong. He wants you to lean into him and let him love on you. Life is too short to pretend like we have it together ALL THE TIME. There was not one person in the bible who was untouched by a broken heart. So why do we feel as though we have to hide our brokenness? Sure, there is a time and a place, I know we can’t walk around like a mess at all times. However, we don’t have to pretend to be ok. There are people who love you. There is a GOD who loves you. He loves you in your brokenness. So, take off your mask and LET HIM. and LET OTHERS LOVE YOU TOO.
All you have to do is stop pretending.