Becoming a Calmer Mom: Keep Emotion Out of it
Learning how to keep emotion out of discipline can be difficult as a mom. If you find yourself feeling triggered when your child is melting down, this post is for you.
If you haven’t read 14 Ways to Beat Angry Mommy, go there to get an overview of the topics we will be covering in this series.
Table of Contents
Keeping Emotion Out of Discipline
How many of you have ever been annoyed when you have to discipline your child?
We are only human, it’s easy to become annoyed. Sometimes I think, why won’t you just listen to me and clean your room? Or why do you have to move at a snail slow pace?
Sometimes we may even say these things to our children without thinking, it’s like word vomit.
When we allow ourselves to become easily annoyed with our children (or even spouse) the word vomit gets easier and quicker to come out.
No one benefits from your frustrated banter, not even you. Sometimes I have even annoyed myself because I am feeling so annoyed. (It’s a vicious cycle.)
One Thing That Has Helped Me is Keeping Emotion out of Discipline
Being annoyed or frustrated while you are disciplining your child does absolutely nothing for your child if anything it makes everything 100x worse.
Your child may not understand why they are being asked to control emotions but you, an adult, can’t or don’t have to.
Emotion has no business in the discipline. When you keep your rules and boundaries black and white, it becomes easier to keep emotion out of discipline.
Keep it Simple and to the Point When You are Disciplining Your Child
One day a couple of months ago I asked our son Mr. M to pick up his toys. He said okay mommy and then went about his business.
About 20 minutes later his toys were not picked up, I said Mr. M this is your warning, you need to pick up your toys. He said okay, and I left again.
When I came back his toys were still not picked up.
Yes, inside I was upset, how hard is it to pick up toys? It also hurts a little when my children disobey me. But I kept the emotion inside.
I said “M, did you clean up the toys?” When he answered no I said “you disobeyed mommy, which means you need to go to time in. You will also not be receiving your sticker today.” (We keep a sticker chart for behavior.)
You would’ve thought I had told him our dog died. Full-on meltdown with alligator tears.
I could’ve given in. (I hate to see my kids cry) But I didn’t.
I could’ve lost my cool. Instead, I repeated myself and kept it simple.
“It’s mommy’s job to make sure you are respectful and take care of your things. I know you are sad, but tomorrow is a new day and you can try again for a sticker.”
Then I hugged him and he finished his time out.
Simple and to the point. Does it go that smoothly every time?
Absolutely not.
Do I lose my patience? Yes, I do. More than I like.
But it doesn’t happen as often as it used to because I make a clear decision to keep my emotions in check while I am helping my children deal with theirs.
Children Learn by Example
When your child sees you control your emotions, they learn emotions are meant to be controlled not control them.
If you have trouble keeping emotions out of discipline try repeating simple phrases:
It’s mommy’s job to make sure you have enough rest.
It’s mommy’s job to make sure you are respectful and kind.
Or it’s mommy’s job to make sure you eat healthy food, not just junk food.
Simple and to the point.
I believe sometimes as adults we tend to over complicate things, including discipline.
Discipline is correcting behavior, not controlling your child (or their emotions.)
If you find yourself becoming overly emotional and frustrated, remove yourself from the situation.
Take a five-minute breather. Go to the next room and count to five or ten, until you have regained some composure.
It is okay to do this. We ask our children to take a time out or time in to help control their emotions, there isn’t anything wrong with giving ourselves a time out as well.
Remember, when you learn to keep emotion out of discipline, you may find your day feeling a bit calmer.
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