(This post was written in 2017, when my oldest were younger. We still do reasonable bedtimes and my routines for kids look different , but their bedtimes have gotten later as they have gotten older!)
I have a confession to make.
My family thinks I’m a tad bit nutty. No, they would never admit it. I’ve asked them point-blank before if they were concerned about my mental state. They have always denied the accusation. Why would they think I was loco, you ask?
Because I put my children to bed at 7 pm.
A Bedtime Routine is Helpful for so Many Reasons
OK, I see it now. You are internally rolling your eyes. This lady is cray-cray, you are thinking. Apparently, that is now a word. My 14-year-old sister told me this several weeks ago, then looked at me like I had three heads because I had no idea.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand.
Why yes, I put my children to bed early. Our youngest goes to bed at 7 and our oldest at 8. Sometimes that varies depending on mood, the day, holidays, family functions, etc.
Regardless of the times, I make sure my children go to bed early 98% of the time. Why?
Because children thrive on routine.
They also need a certain amount of sleep every night to function.
Just like adults, but their tiny bodies need more. That is a different topic for a different day. Since B was a baby, I have had her on a routine.
Not a schedule.
Those are two entirely different things, even though they come from the same concept. I have always made sure her meals and her sleeping routine were the same.
Sure, there are times we don’t adhere to the routines.
Mainly on holidays and vacations, occasionally on family movie night.
Those are fun days.
They are fun for my kids; they are fun for the other family members involved. Do you know who it is not fun for the very next day? Mommy.
The following days are days I can only describe as days made up of nightmares.
Misery.
Agony.
Torment.
OK, you get my dramatics, I’m sure. However, we can manage those days because 98% of the time our girls have a routine.
Read: Tips for Your Anxious Mommy Heart
Change is Hard for Kids (and Adults!)
A year ago, I noticed B was struggling a bit day to day.
Many changes were happening in our family, and they made her anxious.
She fought me on everything.
Getting dressed.
Doing school.
Going anywhere.
I first became frustrated.
Then I realized that change is hard on everyone.
Heck, I fight change sometimes. I become moody when my routine is interrupted. If it is hard for me, a 31-year-old woman, why shouldn’t it be just as hard, if not harder, for a little kid, a kid whose world can make her anxious anyway?
It was my job as her mom to help her cope and make it a little bit easier.
Kids aren’t in control of anything, if you truly think about it. They are absolutely at the mercy of the adults in their lives.
Yes, some parents give their children choices, like what snacks they eat and what activity they take part in, etc., as we do.
However, in the bigger picture, children are at the mercy of the adults in their lives. If you have a child who already feels like they have no control over anything, and they have no sense of routine in their lives, you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
This disaster typically manifests as a tantrum or defiance.
So I decided to add two more routines to B and S’s lives.
A morning routine and an evening routine.
These routines take less than 10 minutes to complete, but the turnaround I saw in B after just the first day made a world of difference.
Why?
Because she knew what to expect, and she realized that activities like getting dressed and doing schoolwork were non-negotiable.
Our Morning Routine
- Go Potty
- Wash Hands
- Make Bed
- Get dressed
- Eat breakfast
- Brush teeth
- Get ready for school
Our Evening Routine
- Clean up toys
- Go potty
- Wash Hands
- Take a bath
- Brush Teeth
- Get dressed into pj’s
- Read a book
- Say prayers
- Go to bed
Are Routines THAT Important?
You may be thinking, well, these are things they need to do anyway.
You’re right.
But if they aren’t done consistently, children may start to fight doing them at all. So I printed off these lists. I added clothespins with the girls’ names that they could move, and the most important part: we go through the list consistently, in the same order, every single day.
Even on days we don’t feel like it.
Days we are out with family.
Even on Holidays.
This one small change has made a world of difference.
We also use an OK-to-wake clock for the girls, so they know when it is OK to get up.
My children are early birds like their father.
While they may be up and ready to start their day at five am, I am not yet prepared for them to get up that early!
The OK to Wake clock lights up green when it is, yes, you guessed it, OK to wake up! My girls love it, and it works! And better yet, I love it. It adds to the sense of routine in our lives. (This can work great for a child who likes to get out of bed over and over.)
I have always been a believer in routines.
Routines Can Change Your Day
These new daily routines have made me more of a believer.
B no longer fights me on the must-dos.
Sure, she still grumbles every blue moon. But she doesn’t pitch a fit and dig her heels in. That’s made her calmer, and me a calmer mom.
Because she knows what to expect.
She can wake up and know exactly what will happen. I can tell her it’s time to get ready for bed, and she knows, step by step, what will happen next.
Children need that sense of knowing and calm. It makes their world make sense and less chaotic.
So if you were to ask me, or most people who are with children daily, do routines really work? YES. 100 times over, YES.
Start one today. You may be surprised at the results.
