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What Does it Mean to Parent from Peace?
Do you ever feel like angry mommy comes out of nowhere? With everything on our plates, it’s hard to parent from peace.
What does parenting from peace even mean? Parenting from peace means being able to parent in the good and bad times without becoming stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, and angry mommy.
As moms, it is easy to give in to frustration daily. Sometimes, parenting from peace seems like a far-fetched dream that only a perfect mom can obtain. But here in society, we are told by moms that we need to do all of this, do all that, look perfect, make our kids behave perfectly, and so much more. But the reality is none of those ideals are obtainable, nor should they be. (Read: 12 Ways to Become a Peaceful Mom Today.)
Is Parenting from Peace Really That Important?
To parent from peace means you accept your flaws, your family’s flaws, and your children’s flaws, yet you don’t stress about every detail. Parenting from peace means you do your best every day to be the best mother you can be. You love your children and your family for who they are, and you teach them to be who God has created them to be. It means you did not give in to the idea that you must be perfect to be a great mom.
Parenting from peace means doing your very best and accepting the bad days without letting them pull angry mommy out of the closet. You have peace knowing that you’ve done your best with what God has given you.
Why is Parenting from Peace Important?
Parenting from peace is important for a mom. This models positive behavior for our children. It teaches them that it is possible to be a good mom and not always be stressed out. Parenting from peace teaches our children to accept their families and everybody’s quirks. It allows them to be themselves without picking at every single detail.
Parenting from peace also gives us peace of mind.
It reinforces the lifestyle that you desire to live, which is a peaceful lifestyle. It’s important to acknowledge that true peace only comes from God himself. God does not want us to live with anxiety, frustration, and anger as moms. He wants us to live a peaceful and joyful life with our families.
When you learn to parent from peace, you may experience less anxiety and frustration. This is a huge bonus!
Who Can We Look to for a Model of Peaceful Parenting?
As a mom, I love to watch, listen to, and read about other moms who are incredible role models I can model my parents after. I often turn to my mom and other family members for advice on being a great mom. There is nothing wrong with looking for good role models to speak into our lives. We should be on the lookout for excellent positive role models that we can talk to and speak to when we struggle as a mom or even when we have good days.
However, the one person we should model for our parenting is Jesus Christ. Now, hear me out. I know that Jesus was not a parent, but God incarnate, which means he is our heavenly father. Who better to model our parents after than Jesus Christ and how he interacted with everyone?
Jesus had a very loving spirit toward everyone he encountered. He did not condemn; he loved. We must model our behavior as moms after how Jesus Christ interacted with the people around him.
John 14:27 says:
“Peace I leave with you; the peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
True peace comes from Jesus Christ. It is possible to be a peaceful mom when we study his word and focus on our relationship with him.
If we look to the world to give us peace, we will be disappointed. I don’t know about you, but there is a not much peace in this world everywhere I look. We cannot look to this world for our peace. But we can be a peaceful mom in a world full of turmoil. It is possible.
Tips For Parenting from Peace
Here are a few tips that you can implement every day to help you become a more peaceful mom and start parenting from peace if that is what you desire to do.
Look Only to God to Give You Peace
The very first tip that I have for you to become more peaceful parents is to look only to God to give you your peace. You will not find peace anywhere in this world apart from God—not true peace. So, if you want to start parenting from the beginning, please turn your eyes towards God and his word and his heart for you.
Spend Time with God Every Day
Spend time with God every single day. This can be hard. Incredibly, as busy moms, we’re up late; we wake up early, just early enough to get our kids ready, and our days are jampacked full. It’s easy to put that time that we want to spend with God on the back burner and say I will get to it, but God can speak into your life in a way no one else can. Parenting from peace starts with our relationship with Him, a relationship that’s only grown when we spend time in prayer and his word, digging in and seeing what God desires for us.
Remember that connection is our main priority with our children. When we focus on connection, correction will become second nature.
Connection should be our number one priority when it comes to our children. It is easy to put the connection on the back burner, mainly when we focus on discipline and correcting our child’s behavior. If all we do is try to fix the behavior but not connect with our child’s heart, we must make progress. We are just putting a blindfold over what truly matters.
When we take the time to connect with our child’s heart first, correction will come.
Take Time for Self-Care
Self-care is so important as a mom! I read a quote the other day that I thought was amazing. I’m going to share it here:
The fact that showering is marketed to moms as self-care is just another example of how even a woman’s most basic needs are considered a luxury compared to every other person on earth.
They are also often overlooked, especially by moms who prioritize their families and household responsibilities over their own needs. While children and spouses are important, mothers must recognize that their basic needs are just as vital. When mothers neglect self-care, they unintentionally teach their daughters to do the same, perpetuating a cycle where self-care is abandoned once they become mothers.
This is appalling to me. We put ourselves on the back burner when our children are younger, and then we don’t take care of ourselves, and then we wonder why we’re burnt out, depressed, anxious, sad, frustrated, and angry.
Self-care is so important. So, start practicing it for yourself.
Make Time for Yourself/Spouse Every Day and Every Week
Make some time for yourself every day or every week. It can be 10 minutes a day or an hour a day, whatever it is that you need. Carve that time out for yourself. On top of that, carve some time out for your relationship with your spouse. Because if your relationship with your spouse is under stress, you will be under stress, too. And it will be hard to parent from peace.
Remember, Your Child is Only Human
That beautiful, precious child you gave birth to or adopted; that child is a human being. That child is not just some child whose life does it matter until they turn 18. My mamaw always said something, and I’ve always tried to implement this with every child in my life: children are just little people. They have big ideas and thoughts, just like adults. Talk to them like you would an adult.
Of course, I talk about mature subjects with my children when they are ready. But I don’t dumb things down for them either. Children are naturally curious. They want to know; they don’t want to be entertained with fluff. If you give them the opportunity to be inquisitive, they will follow suit.
The more they feel that their thoughts and ideas are valuable, the less likely it is that the power struggle you may have with them will be.
Lower Expectations/Don’t Expect Perfection
Stop expecting perfection from your children. We are not perfect as moms. I have lost my temper before with my children, yelling at them for some of the silliest things. And then I will have to come back and apologize to them. I want them to understand that no one is perfect. They are not perfect, and I cannot expect them to be perfect when I can barely keep myself together sometimes.
Everyone has a bad day: you, your spouse, your family, and your children. Pay attention to your child’s cues. Do you know when they get hungry? Also, do you know when they’re typically tired? Do you know when there’s a sense that they’ve been overloaded? Paying attention to those cues makes it easier to figure out what is happening with your child and create a good routine that helps them survive every day.
Find Your People
Find your people. Tak the time to find the people you can turn to when you are frustrated, the people you can talk to and vent to, and the people who encourage you to be the best mom you can be.
Set Boundaries
Set boundaries for yourself, set boundaries for your children, and set boundaries for the people around you, especially the energy vampires. In order to parent from peace, you need to be able to give your energy to your children and your family. If you are spending too much energy on people that are sucking it out of you, then you will not have leftover energy for your family members.
Remember, it’s OK to set boundaries with anybody.
Teach Your Children to Help Around the House
Teaching your children how to do chores and help around the house will relieve some of the burden off of you. I love that my daughter does the dishwasher. She is accommodating, and it takes the burden of doing a chore that I can’t stand so I can focus on something else. Plus, it teaches her a good work ethic. She is one of many who do chores around my house. My younger two also do chores; ideally, children do age-appropriate chores to be helpful around the house they live in.
Take a Few Minutes to Process Disobedience/ Practice Not Reacting Right Away
Sometimes, we become reactive. But the truth is, being a reactive parent does not benefit you or your children. Take a few minutes to process your child’s disobedience before you react. Your child did not mean to disappoint you, or the disobedience may have seemed more prominent at that moment than it really was. Overreacting is a quality that comes with reactive parenting, and it is not a good place to be as a parent.
When you take a few minutes to practice optimism, they can help you decide how to handle if you were a child disobedient. So the next time your child disobeys you, Practice the peaceful pause, stop, close your eyes, and count to 20. This will help calm you down so you can reason and guide your child and correction while also being able to connect to their heart during this lesson.
Practice Calm-Down Techniques for Yourself and Your Child
Calm-down techniques are so helpful when it comes to your children and when it comes to yourself. My oldest daughter struggles with anxiety sometimes. Her reactions to circumstances that may happen to her tend to be very big and over-the-top. As her mom, if I were to be a reactive parent, I could tell her to stop being so dramatic and knock it off. I’m not going to lie,
I may have said that a timer, too. And if you say that you have never been there as a mom, you either have not been a mom for that long or are lying. But I know that reacting to her over-the-top reactions only adds to a stressful event.
So, instead, I have taught her calm-down techniques. I sit with her when she is reacting that way, and I see it a little over the top, but in her eyes, she needs help calming down. A few calm-down techniques I have taught her are closing her eyes and counting her breath to 20 or 30. Another thing we do is hug each other, or she might hug her mawmaw or dad; or someone who can help her calm down. But we don’t just hug. We hug, and we count to 60.
There are other calm-down techniques that you can teach your children or even yourself to help you be less reactive and focus more on connection.
Don’t Overfill Your Plate
As moms, sometimes we overfill our plates. We feel like there’s so much that we need to do and jam into our days, weeks, and months, which adds to our stress. So instead of overfilling your plate and your child’s plate with things that don’t matter and take up time, focus on filling your plates with things that you find important and that your child loves. Yes, that way, you can find more joy in your day.
Parenting from Peace Doesn’t Have to be Complicated
It takes work and determination every day, but it is possible to become a peaceful parent and to parent from peace, not reactively. (Read: Dear Husband, Thank You.)
What to do now: Join Chaos to Calm Mom Fb Group Today!